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“You are always gone. You don’t talk to me.” She jabs at me with a spoon.
“It’s not a slumber-party scenario! You three can stay as long as you want. We’ll protect you. But I kind of have a lot going on right now.”
She mutters something in Cantonese that feels like swearing at me, even if I don’t understand the words. I grab the carton of ice cream and shovel it into my mouth. “Happy?” I mumble around it.
She shakes her head. “This would be easier if we were awake.”
“And we’d be less likely to be stabbed by her.” I nod toward Sineya, prowling on the edges of the dream.
“She never stabs me. She likes me.”
“Congratulations.” I salute her with my spoon. “Have you seen Buffy around? I can’t find her lately.”
Chao-Ahn scowls. “No.”
“Fine. Whatever. I got this on my own.” I spend the rest of the dream sitting there eating ice cream, while Sineya repeatedly stabs me in the back and Chao-Ahn throws her hands up in exasperation.
* * *
The next morning at breakfast, it’s clear Chao-Ahn remembers the dream very clearly. She glares at me from across the room during the entire meal.
Cillian rubs his head, his close-cropped hair unmussable. He looks rough. I pass him a bottle of ibuprofen. It takes everything in me not to stare aggressively toward the pantries and give away that I already know where Leo is. It was pretty obvious as soon as I thought about it. Not the dorms where I am. Not the Council wing, with its connection to secret passages. The one place in the castle everyone wants me to stay out of for other reasons, namely my atrocious cooking.
“What is wrong with you?” Chao-Ahn asks, dropping onto the bench across from me.
“Where to start?” Jade mutters from where she’s slumped on my other side. I pass her the ibuprofen. I feel fine. Yay, Slayer powers.
Cillian jabs in her direction with his spoon. “Hey now.”
“No, that’s fair.” I pat Jade on the shoulder. She flinches as though being touched hurts.
“Has anyone seen Doug?” She straightens, looking hopefully around the room. “I need to talk to him.”
I change the subject. I feel for Jade, but I’m also Doug’s friend. And if he wants out of the relationship, she needs to get over it sooner rather than later. It’ll be best for both of them. “So I got today’s schedule from Rhys—shoved under my door; I think he’s mad—and this morning I’m taking the new Slayers on a tour of the castle and assigning you castle defense and lockdown positions.” That still gives me the afternoon to go visit Cillian’s mother. I haven’t stopped trying to call Artemis either, but there’s no timeline on that being successful, apparently. And at some point I’m going to have to break into the pantries to talk to Leo.
“What?” shrieks Taylor, her tray clattering to the ground behind me. “Castle defense? I thought this was supposed to be a safe space!”
Jade stands up. “Clearly someone has never researched Watcher history. I’m making bombs in the weapons shed, so be sure to knock. If you see Doug, tell him I want to talk to him.”
“Did she just say she’s making bombs?” Cillian watches Jade walk away with wide, worried eyes.
“Is everyone here very stoned?” Maricruz takes Jade’s place. “Because if so, it’s rude not to share.” She tugs Taylor’s arm and forces her to sit down too. “What’s going on today?”
I give them the basics. It doesn’t go over well. Cillian slides in to detail lockdown procedure. Taylor pulls on the ends of her blond ponytail, face flushed and breathing coming fast. She’s on the verge of a panic attack. I have some things to help soothe her in my medical center. Xanax, kava, even some Rescue Remedy for the most natural option. I think I’d go that route with Taylor.
This flash of old Nina hits me hard, and I close my eyes. I’ve felt so removed from myself lately. And even now, most of my mind is on my other plans, when this—finding someone who needs help and giving them that help—is exactly what I wanted to do. What I wanted to make.
I flex my fingers, make fists. I will beat everything back into submission. I can. I’m strong enough, I know I am. I’ll fix it all. I’ll talk to Leo and figure myself out. I’ll talk to Cillian’s mom and get information. And I’ll talk to Artemis and get that book back and maybe—maybe, maybe—get her back too.
Cillian has finished filling them in. I’m impressed. He’s really stepped up to become part of the castle. Taylor, however, is trembling like a reed in the wind. “Wait, why is so much of the castle defense plan centered around protecting a demon? If someone came here just for this Doug guy, why would we all risk ourselves to protect him?”
We made these specific defense plans under the assumption that, at some point, Sean’s going to make a play to get his prize moneymaker back. “Doug put himself on the line at Von Alston’s so I could help you all. I would no more turn you back over to someone hunting you than I will betray Doug. I’ll fight to the death for both of you. If you can’t accept that, you can leave.” It comes out harsher than I intend. I take a deep, steadying breath. “You don’t have to fight. I wouldn’t ask that of you. You always have a choice here.” It’s the only thing I can offer her, the thing that all Slayers were denied. A choice.
“What are our options?” Maricruz’s wide-set eyes are steady, but I can see the tension around them. I have no idea what these three went through, fighting at Buffy’s side. I can only imagine.
“If you really don’t want to be part of it, you can leave. I don’t want you to go, though.”
“Maybe we’ll be safer,” Taylor says.
