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“Brown hair, running down the sidewalk toward us, looks like he’s going to murder me?”
“Annie? Annie!” Cole grabs me around the shoulders, twisting me away from Eden’s hand. “She said—Sadie woke up and said you were dead. She said Sarah was going to—I thought I’d be too late, I thought I’d lose you.” He pulls me close, holding me tighter than even Eden did. “Where’s Sarah?”
“She’s gone,” I whisper. I have nothing else to say.
FIA
Twelve Hours Before
“AND YOU’RE CERTAIN IT WAS THE LERNER GROUP who grabbed Sadie? And you couldn’t stop them?” the Feeler asks. She’s new. I don’t know her. I don’t care.
I nod, channeling anger, which isn’t hard. I am angry. I am so angry I don’t know what to do with it. I wanted to help her, wanted to keep Sadie safe. I was going to keep her safe, but I couldn’t.
I couldn’t fix it.
I couldn’t do anything to change what happened.
I don’t tell her why we couldn’t stop them. That they threatened to hurt Annie so we couldn’t save Sadie. Because Annie is dead, SHE IS DEAD WHY IS EVERYTHING SO COMPLICATED SHE IS DEAD.
I frown, realizing the Feeler has been asking more questions. “Look. I recognized the guy. Sandy blond hair, face I want to smash. I fought him last spring when I was out on a hit, and then again when Lerner kidnapped me and I broke out. I don’t forget people I beat the crap out of.”
“No, I would imagine you don’t.” I don’t know if her smile is amused or terrified, and I don’t care. I’m done.
I stand and stomp out of the room. The one bonus to all this is that we didn’t have to lie. Pixie and I decided not to tell them exactly what Sadie could do, just that we saw the tail end of her being forced into a car and couldn’t stop it.
Couldn’t.
COULDN’T.
I hate couldn’t. I hate it so much I want to hurt someone. I want to hurt Sandy blond who threatened Annie. I want to hurt everyone associated with the Lerner group, everyone I trusted. I trusted them! It was right to trust them! And trusting them meant Sarah died, meant she was destroyed. Trusting them means Sadie still isn’t safe, won’t ever be safe.
I gave Annie to them. Maybe even to Rafael, if he wasn’t lying.
I gave Annie to Rafael. No I didn’t. I KILLED ANNIE. I KILLED HER.
I walk into the women’s bathroom. Kick a stall door so hard it cracks.
Scream.
Slam the heel of my palm into the mirror, watch it shatter, watch my reflection break into pieces. A slivered and silvered distortion, all broken and jagged and ruined.
“Fia!”
I turn to see Pixie staring at me. I don’t know how long she’s been in here. “Fia,” she says, her voice careful. “You need to calm down, okay?”
“I’m calm,” I answer, raising an eyebrow at her. “Why wouldn’t I be calm?”
“It’ll be okay.”
I laugh, and it is broken and jagged like the mirror. “No big deal. I’m pissed because this failure will probably cost me employee of the year. I really wanted a plaque. My name etched on it next to a bad picture.”
She opens her mouth, and I want to shove my bloodied hand over it, want to smash her into the wall, want to keep her from saying whatever soft things she wants to say. She is just like Annie. She is a liar. She will tell me and tell me and tell me and tell me that everything will be okay, and it’s a lie, it’s always a lie.
She takes a step back, pain and hurt written around her eyes. She wears leather and metal armor, but she’s a kid. She’s a stupid kid, and she doesn’t understand any of this and she doesn’t know anything, she doesn’t know.
She can never know.
Actually, no. If she stays here long enough, she’ll know. She’ll know, and then she’ll be the broken doll she already looks like. You want to play here, Pixie? You want to know what it really means to be a part of all this? You want thoughts to pull out of my head and report back to Keane? I’ll give you thoughts.
