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Just one problem.
Nikki wasn’t in their rooms.
Gunter normally wouldn’t be too worried about this. Nikki could very well be getting a snack, sneaking something out of the greenhouse, or any number of things. But any time Nikki was confronted with something Jaeggi, the mage emotionally took damage. And after spending a full afternoon speaking with Lina, reliving what those days must have been like with the Jaeggi, Gunter possessed no doubt they’d taken damage.
He’d hoped, truly, that after everything they’d done and said to each other, Nikki would feel stable enough to not feel the need to escape. But Nikki wasn’t here.
And Gunter had a feeling he knew where they probably were.
He hesitated a long time, just inside the threshold of the doorway, debating on what to do. On how to handle this. Gunter absolutely didn’t want to put more pressure on Nikki. He wanted to lower the wall, give Nikki the confidence that they could share anything with him.
If that was possible. Gunter was well aware there were no magic words that could readily fix trauma.
And then the dark suspicion he wasn’t enough for Nikki raised its head. Despite Nikki’s reassurances, maybe the reason Nikki felt the constant urge to escape was because they didn’t feel they were Gunter’s mate. If staying in Burkhard meant being reminded of the Jaeggi over and over, wouldn’t the logical choice be to leave? Nikki could escape over into the Americas and likely not have this problem. They could live a full, free life and never have to think of the Jaeggi again.
Gunter really hated his logical brain sometimes, but it was a real fear he couldn’t dismiss. He’d never said ‘I love you’ to his mage. He’d never once said they were mates. He’d been trying to give Nikki time. But had he given them too much time? Or not said enough?
He stood in the doorway, thinking it all through. It had been five minutes. It had been five eons. The time really didn’t matter. But he finally came to a conclusion and went for his desk drawer, yanking out the passport that had arrived for Nikki.
One more time, he’d give Nikki all the power, all the options.
And whatever Nikki decided, he’d abide.
Gunter tried the courtyard first, hoping to find them there, as it would mean Nikki was still in the castle. But he’d barely put a foot in it when he saw the garage door open, the little red car missing. Shit. Would Gunter need to chase after them? Although where Nikki would even go was a question. They weren’t perfectly comfortable driving yet, and the road up here had a lot of twists and turns.
Panic beat a live drum in his chest. Gunter was all set to sprint for his car when he realized the front gate was open, too. And from this angle, he could just see the back bumper of Nikki’s red car.
Thank god. At least they were still here.
Gunter ran that direction, moving quickly. The engine was off, at least, although what Nikki’s plan was, who knew. Gunter had never met a more unpredictable person in his life.
Rounding the side, Gunter called out hoarsely, “Nikki.”
Nikki’s head came up and around, their eyes widening as they took in Gunter. Immediately, they opened the door, but their expression was worried. Their entire body language looked tight and unhappy.
Gunter’s gut clenched in dread. He felt, pessimistically, as if his worst fears were about to be realized.
Before Nikki could get a word out, Gunter offered them the passport.
A slender hand took it, their eyes searching Gunter’s with no comprehension. “Why are you handing me this?”
“Nikki, if you need to go, you can go.” Gunter felt like he was choking on his own words, but they had to be said. “I know that being here, being faced with the Jaeggi on a continual basis, is hard for you. If you need to leave, you can.”
Nikki’s eyes grew round, mouth dropping for a moment. Then they looked at the passport in their hand as if not recognizing their own limb. “Do you want me to go?”
“No.” Gunter had never felt closer to tears in his life. Not since the destruction of his clan. He was terrified he was saying this all wrong. But Gunter only had the truth to offer. “No, I don’t want you to go. I love you. You’re my mate. I don’t know if you realize that. I want you to stay, but I keep finding you out here, like you want to leave—”
Nikki launched themself out of the car, catching Gunter around the neck and holding on tightly. “I’m not leaving. I love you. I’m not leaving.”
Gunter latched on, shuddering in relief. He buried his head in Nikki’s neck and breathed. It felt like the first time in ages he could take a full breath. Thank god. Thank anything anyone cared to name. He’d been praying for this answer. He’d dreaded he’d never hear it.
