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Something about their expression or posture clued Tori in. A little suspicious, Tori asked slowly, “This isn’t a run to the store, is it?”
Nikki looked at Tori, edging a little defensively back to the castle. If Tori started giving them grief about being out here, they’d just run for it. They weren’t going to stand here and take a verbal lashing. It would be too much on top of the anxiety Nikki already battled.
“Hey, hey, easy. I am absolutely the last person to give anyone grief about feeling caged in, okay? That’s why you’re out here, right? You needed some fresh air?”
Nikki studied that face, at how resigned Tori looked, as if he knew precisely what went through Nikki’s head. Why did they suspect Tori had stood in this exact spot before? Feeling the same anxiety and fears and frustrations?
Ah, fuck it. Nikki’s shoulders slumped a little. “Yeah. Something like that.”
“Right, okay. Come sit and talk to me, yeah? I think you need to talk this out. There’s a bench right outside the wall we can sit on, if you feel the need to be outside the castle for a bit.”
Nikki really was torn on just going back into the castle or following Tori. Did they trust Tori enough to talk with them out here? No, that wasn’t even really a question. Tori had done nothing to them despite having ample opportunity to do so. It wasn’t a matter of trust, but level of comfort.
And really, Nikki was tired of running. Tired of their trauma making decisions for them. For once, Nikki wanted to try trusting. Tori was a good person to trust, Nikki felt it in their gut. And it was time to follow through on that feeling rather than stay locked in paranoia.
So, they took a deep breath…and a leap of faith.
“That sounds…perfect, actually.” Nikki allowed Tori to pass by, then followed him out the gate.
There was indeed a little bench—two in fact. They sat under a massive oak tree with a truly excellent view out of the mountains. A peaceful place that probably didn’t get used all that much, considering its location. Nikki sat facing the mountains, the vast horizon spreading out in colors of deep blues, oranges, violets, and pinks, and instantly felt better for it.
Tori sat on the wood bench next to them, looking out the same direction, letting the eucalyptus lay over his thighs. He sat like that for a long moment before speaking, his words rough and low.
“I’m not sure how much you heard of my old clan. I mentioned a few things to you, but I don’t think I explained just how much our backgrounds are alike. The Taavi were also very paranoid about being found. They glamoured their town to hell and back, making sure nothing could find them there. No one was allowed to leave, except for supply runs. It was a prison. And they didn’t even seem to realize it.
“I wasn’t treated well in that prison. Because I was a male mage with dyscalculia, they wouldn’t let me do any magic. I supposedly wasn’t trustworthy. I was locked in a place I hated and couldn’t even freely use my magic. It was hell.”
Nikki listened with keen interest, and in that moment felt a kinship with the man like no other. “No, I hadn’t heard that. Really? You said you left; was that why?”
“That and I’m gay. I wanted a husband. I wanted the chance to be treated like a normal person instead of a pariah.” Tori’s expression turned soft. “I didn’t see Baldewin coming, not back then. I just wanted out. I hated that town with a passion. And truly, being Baldewin’s mate has given me more freedom than I’ve ever experienced before. He doesn’t hold me back. If I want to do something, I’ve got his full support. I try to give him the same. It’s taken a lot of time and work on all our parts for me to let go of that trauma. The love I’ve received from the Burkhards has soothed a lot of old scars and hurts. This is the family I always should have had, and I’m beyond thankful to have them now. But there are still moments when the walls feel like they’re closing in on me. Because of the threat the Jaeggi pose, because of the heightened security of the castle, we can’t easily go out. It reminds me too much of the Taavi, some days.”
He got it. Without Nikki needing to speak a word, this man got it. Nikki breathed out in relief, so glad they didn’t have to justify or explain. All the defensive words on their tongue melted away, and it left them in an easy place with Tori. Turned out trusting was the right call after all. Gunter had said Tori would be a good listening ear, if Nikki ever needed one. He’d been so very right.
