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Molly, the other nurse, scrubs at my right arm with something that smells like alcohol, and Sara takes my left arm and wraps a blood pressure cuff around it.
Holy crap, they’re coming at me from all angles.
“It’s just going to be a little stick, okay?” she asks, but she gives me zero time to respond.
No countdown. No warning. No time is apparently being wasted today at this medical practice. Taking teeth is our name, and fast is our game.
Without preamble, Molly shoves a sharp needle into my arm, and the pain is so instant, so intense, I damn near levitate off the dentist chair.
“Holy flapjacks!” The words shoot from my mouth, and I have to bite my lip so I don’t start screaming out in pain.
Is she starting my IV with a shiv?
“Sorry about that. I’ll be done in…” I’m expecting her sentence to actually finish with something like in a jiff, but instead, it trails off into nothingness. Panic sets in immediately.
“You’ll be done in…?” Soon? For the love of everything, tell me you’ll be done soon.
“Hmm…” Molly mutters to herself while she fiddles around with the needle that’s still in my arm.
To the left, to the left. To the right, to the right.
If I didn’t know better, I’d think she was trying to reenact the Electric Slide with a needle dancing around inside my arm. It’s not even that fun of a dance at weddings, but at least then there’s alcohol!
Jiminy Cricket! I yell in my head as Molly rotates the needle again.
“Sara,” Molly whispers, making weird eyes down at me and then back up again. Feeling like a third wheel at my own goddamn surgery date, I decide to just shut my eyes while these bitches do whatever it is they’re doing.
“Yeah?” Sara responds.
“Does this look right?”
“Uh…” Sara pauses. “Yeah, I think so?”
I think so? Holy shit.
“I guess I’ll just hook it up to the fluids to see,” Molly responds, and I feel a small tug and pull on my arm.
“Oh my God,” Sara says a little too loud, and my eyes pop open. “I think you put it in her artery instead of her vein.”
Wait…what?
I glance down at my arm and follow the blood-red path of IV tubing until it reaches the bag of fluids hanging above me. I know zip about medical shit, but I’ve watched every single episode of Grey’s Anatomy, and I’m pretty sure, unless you’re getting a fucking blood transfusion, IV tubing shouldn’t have blood inside it. Nor should it be filling the IV fluid bag.
The room turns to chaos in a matter of seconds.
“Shit,” Sara mumbles and quickly yanks the IV out of my arm and holds pressure. The blood-stained IV fluid shoots out of the tubing and onto the floor, and Molly scrambles around for gauze pads and God only knows what else.
Circus music plays inside my head, and blood loss aids in the hallucination of an elephant or two on my chest.
“Sorry about that, Mabel,” Sara says and grabs more IV supplies, which I can only assume will be used on my opposite arm.
Surely, the first arm is momentarily out of blood.
“Sometimes these things happen with IVs, but we’ll get you all set here in a few minutes.”
Freaking Bruce and freaking Groupon. After this, I am done with questionable discounts on retail.
I mean, what’s next? Is a monkey with cymbals going to bounce into the room to remove my tooth?
Fuck, I hope not.
Dear God, it’s me. Maybe. Please get me out of this surgery alive.
“Not going to lie,” I whisper past the nausea that is now creeping its way up my throat. “I’m not feeling so hot right now.”
“Oh dear.” Sara’s eyes go wide when she makes eye contact with me. “You look a little pale.”
I’d say that’s par for the course at this point.
“Just take some deep breaths,” Molly encourages like she knows what she’s doing. She talks a good game compared to her actual skills. “Once we get a fresh IV in you, we’ll give you some medicine to make you feel better.”
My eyes turn to saucers. “You’re going to do another IV?”
“This one will work,” Molly responds with confidence that is truly mind-blowing after the serious fuckup she’s still trying to clean up. “Just close your eyes and try to relax. This will all be over soon.”
“I just have one request.”
“And what’s that, sweetie?”
“Please don’t kill me.”
Both nurses chortle like I’m joking, but I’m not.
Seriously, God, please don’t let them kill me.
“Time to wake up, Maybe,” someone whispers into my ear, but they sound like they are talking underwater.
I open my eyes, and everything is blurry and fogged.
I take several blinks, but nothing clears up.
Am I alive?
“Hello?” I ask into the blurred void of my surroundings. “Is anyone there?”
“I’m here. You’re going to be okay.”
I try to figure out where the voice is coming from, but all I can see is a dark blob with blond hair. And Good Lord, it’s terrifying.
