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Fidgeting with my hair is simply a side effect.
Between my cute little dress and heels and the subtle but sexy makeup Lena applied to my eyes and lips and cheeks, I know I spruced up nicely.
I feel good. Confident, even.
It’s just the whole Milo thing that’s screwing with my head.
We’ve come a long way from the time he didn’t recognize me at the floral shop.
He’s helped me with my career.
We’ve spent an insane amount of time together.
We’ve hooked up…more than once. And a day doesn’t go by without us talking in some form or way. Texts, phone calls, you name it, and we’re connected.
Truthfully, I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around it all.
What used to be a crush has blossomed into something more.
Something that feels a lot like falling.
Pretty sure you’ve already fallen, girlfriend. Right off the cliff and plummeted straight to the rocky bottom o’ love.
I sigh. Out loud. And Lena doesn’t miss a beat.
“What’s going on, honey?”
“Nothing.” I run the brush through my locks one last time.
“You’re freaking out.” She eyes me knowingly in the mirror as she applies a fresh coat of lip gloss. “It’s written all over your face.”
She’s right. I am freaking out.
I turn and rest my hip against the bathroom counter, and everything that’s filling my head just kind of pours from my lips. “I’m falling for him, Lena. Like, hard kind of falling for him, and I’m starting to get really flipping scared about how this is all going to play out.” I blow a heavy breath out of my lungs. “I mean, where do I go from here? What’s the next step in the plan?”
“There isn’t a next step,” she says with ease and slides the tube of lip gloss back into her small, gold clutch.
What? No next step?
Anxiety fills up my chest like a balloon.
“What do you mean, there isn’t a next step? You’re supposed to be my dating Yoda! How can there not be a next step?”
“Maybe baby, relax.” She sets her purse on the counter and places two steady hands on my shoulders. “I’m not sure if you’ve been paying close attention, but you’re the one who’s been running the show the whole time.”
My face contorts into utter confusion.
“I might’ve put some ideas into your head, given a few hints on what I think you should do, but when it comes down to it, you’ve been the one in control, honey.”
“Uh…” I blink once, twice, and three more times. “I’m not following.”
“Girl,” she says through a soft laugh. “All of my suggestions have always ended up with Maybe’s spin on things… The sext messages… The TapNext dating advice… Hell, I’m certain I wasn’t the one to suggest a night of Gilmore Girls and a blow job.” She winks one smoky eye toward me. “You name it, and you’ve always done it your way. Not my way. But your way.”
She searches my face for a long moment, but it’s not long before she’s laying it all out there for me.
“You need to let yourself accept that Milo has been more than a participant in this,” she states without even the slightest hint of doubt in her voice. “As much as you’ve texted him or initiated things with him, he’s more than reciprocated. Whether he’s admitted that to himself yet or not, the man is invested. In you. What you’re feeling isn’t one-sided. No doubt, he’s falling too.”
I try to make sense of her words.
Milo is falling too?
Could Lena really be right about this? Or has all of my wishful thinking rubbed off on her?
“Okay…so…hypothetically… Say you’re right. If you were me, what would you do now?”
“I think it’s safe to say you’ve reached a point where rationality isn’t really a thing. There is no planning at this juncture.”
Lord Almighty, it would be nice if she’d stop speaking in riddles.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Girl, your heart is involved now. And, unfortunately for all of us, the heart does what it wants. She’s a bit of a confusing bitch that way.”
Ugh. For some strange reason, her words don’t bring the relief I was hoping for.
I much preferred things when I felt like I had some kind of control. Like I had some form of guidance to follow.
To just be out on a fucking limb with my goddamn fingers and toes crossed and offering up hopeful prayers that Milo really does feel what I’m feeling is quite the opposite of reassuring. I might as well be tightrope walking two hundred feet in the air with Evan and Sadie’s wedding cake in my hands.
It’s pretty fucking terrifying, if I’m being honest.
What if Lena isn’t right and everything comes crashing down?
And what if my dumb heart screws things up?
She’s never really been the brightest crayon in the box when it comes to love. Until Milo, the little bitch hasn’t done much besides remain apathetic toward any possible love interest that’s come my way. Hell, I’m starting to wonder if she commandeered a TV back in my college days and was all Netflix and chill behind my rib cage.
