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Her hair fans out across the mattress, and my body hovers over her as I stare down at her. At this perfect fucking creature whose big brown eyes have the power to cut through all of my layers and grip on to my heart.
I know, with every cell inside my body, I have never looked at another woman the way I look at Maybe. I have never wanted or desired or adored another woman like I do her.
Before her, no one had the ability to affect me like she does.
I’d felt affection and like, and I’ve cared about another person.
But in this moment, with her beneath me, I know I have never actually felt the undeniable, emotional pull with someone until right now. Until her.
The realization steals my fucking breath, and all I can do is lean forward and take her mouth again, kissing her like a man starved.
More like a man in fucking love.
That single thought hits me straight in the gut, but when Maybe moans again and her fingers grip my shirt, that thought flies out the window and my need for her moves to the forefront of my mind.
God, I want her.
Her fingers move to my jeans, unbuttoning and unzipping with fumbling fingers until she reaches into my boxer briefs and pulls out my cock.
Fuck. I groan.
She grips me and strokes me, and I start to lose sight of everything but how goddamn good it all feels. How good she feels.
“I want you inside me,” she whispers and inches my cock toward her entrance. “I don’t want to be a virgin anymore, Milo. I want to know what sex feels like.”
Her words hit me like a fucking truck.
She doesn’t want to be a virgin anymore.
She wants to know what sex feels like.
Son of a bitch, I don’t like it. Her first time shouldn’t be because she merely wants to know what sex feels like or because she thinks she doesn’t want to be a virgin anymore.
Her first time should be because she wants to give herself to someone. Because what she’s feeling is too intense not to give in to the desire to connect with someone in the most intimate way.
It should be soft and slow and motivated by love.
No matter how badly I want her, I can’t bring myself to do anything but put on the brakes. I can’t bring myself to do anything but end this before it goes too far.
I want Maybe more than my next fucking breath, but I can’t make her mine; I can’t slide my cock inside her unless it’s for the right reasons.
Unless real feelings are involved.
More like, unless she feels the way you feel…
Holy shit. I am in way deeper with her than I even realized…
Yeah, you bastard. You’re pretty much in as deep as one person can go at this point.
Ah fuck. I shut my eyes briefly and look away from her, and when I open them, the very last thing I would ever want to see stares back at me from across the room.
A picture of Maybe with Evan.
My best friend. Her brother.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Something that feels a lot like freaking out starts to take over, and I try to breathe through it. But when I move my eyes back to Maybe, I can’t stop myself from feeling like the biggest asshole that’s ever lived.
I am in love with her. My best friend’s sister.
And I am the only one who knows it.
Even though it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, I press one final kiss to Maybe’s lips and stand up from the bed.
“W-what are you doing?” she asks, her eyes searching mine in confusion. “What’s wrong?”
“I can’t,” I whisper back. “I just can’t.”
Immediately, I start to doubt myself. I start to wonder if it’s all in my head.
“You can’t what?” Maybe pushes herself up on her elbows. “You can’t have s-sex with me? You can’t fuck me?”
I cringe at her last question, and it solidifies my decision.
Her first time shouldn’t involve the word fuck at all.
“I’m sorry.” I shake my head, and I feel my lips turn down at the corners. “I can’t.”
You could never be a simple fuck. You mean too much to me for that.
I open my mouth to try to verbalize how I’m feeling, but I don’t have a fucking clue what to say. How can I tell her how I’m feeling when I’m just now starting to understand it?
“Wow. Okay,” she mutters. “Well, then, I guess you can just go.”
Shit. Say something. “Maybe, it’s not—” I start to say, but she cuts me off at the fucking legs.
“I’m not going to ask you again.”
“Maybe—”
“I said, leave!”
Fuck, this isn’t how I pictured this night ending.
Maybe
Something is ringing, and I hate it.
I groan and pull the comforter back over my head and shut my eyes tighter.
