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“You started a long time ago, probably four or five years. But back then you were just a boy, and you had a hard time getting your hands on it, so you didn’t do it much. Then you got bigger, and I’ll guess you took the most likely work you could find and started selling it. Once you were selling, you had it in your hands all the time—and then, maybe a year or two ago, you were doing it so regular you probably never went a day without it. How am I doing?”
One nostril twitched involuntarily. “Not bad. ”
“See, I can tell it from your skin, how it’s going that funny color around your eyes. Almost like you’re god-awful tired all the time and just don’t sleep enough. But those aren’t regular circles under your lids like we tired old people get; those are pockets of sap residue, collecting there and staining your skin from underneath. ”
His chilly attitude slipped. “It can do that?”
“It builds up in your body, and some of it stays,” she confirmed.
“How long?”
“I don’t know. Years? Forever, maybe. I haven’t had a chance to watch anybody use it that long. Heavy smokers don’t live to a ripe old age, in my experience. That’s why I’m watching every user I can, trying to learn more. ”
“You … you want to watch people use sap?”
“Do I want to?” She stood up again, and smoothed her skirts with her hands. “No. I don’t want to watch anybody use it, least of all a young man like yourself. But it teaches me, when I can see what it does to people. Look, I don’t read or write real well, but I’m taking notes as best I can, for doctors here and back East. I’m trying to learn how this stuff works, and how long it takes to kill. ”
“Were you taking notes on me?”
“I take notes on everybody who gets poisoned or bit. It doesn’t happen too often down here, ’cause most everybody knows the rules about surviving. But once in a while a gas mask slips, or somebody gets surprised and loses a finger, and then a hand. And then, yes, I watch ’em. ”
She took the lantern off its hook but left it bright, and set it down on a cabinet across the room. The swish of her dress was loud in his ears, and the sway of her
apron clinked as the tools in her pockets chimed together.
“Did you think I was gonna die?”
“I thought you might,” she confessed. “Aside from you taking that tumble, you spent a few days waking up from the sap, and that’s no easy thing. Either one could’ve killed you, if you’d been weaker or smaller, or maybe less lucky. ”
“I’ve always been lucky. ”
“Same as you’ve always been careful, I’m sure. But I do want to be clear…” she told him as she began riffling through one of the drawers.
“About what?” he asked, no longer caring much. She’d already told him he’d live. From pure muscle memory, he reached his feet over the edge of the bed before remembering that his boots weren’t right there. He’d kicked them off before turning in the night before. One had slid underneath the mattress, and one was immediately to his right.
“You pick up the sap again, and it won’t be too much longer. There’s a point with every user, with every victim … and beyond that point, there’s no saving them. Nothing at all to be done except put a bullet in their head so they can’t hurt anyone else. ”
She said it so casually that it made him shiver, but he hid it. He pretended to adjust his jacket, and fished around with his feet to retrieve his shoes. “I don’t plan to use it anymore. ”
“Oh?” She looked over her shoulder, and fixed him to the wall with one pointed eyebrow. “You don’t plan to? I’m sure you haven’t even been thinking about it, all this time, this whole week you’ve been here. I’m sure you haven’t been imagining how good it feels, and now nice it tastes—or how bad it tastes, I don’t know—and I’m sure there’s no reason at all you’d go looking for it the moment your friends turn their backs. ”
“No, no, and no. To all of that. ”
“Stay away from it, Rector Sherman. Don’t make me put you down like a dog. ” She approached his bed again, but did not sit. She merely loomed. “Because I’ll do it. ”
He steadied himself and his voice before replying, “I believe you. ” He shoved one foot into one shoe and wrestled with the other one. The laces didn’t want to work. He struggled to make them meet and tie.
“I’m not saying that to be mean to you,” she said. “Around here, folks mostly see what the gas does. But I’ve seen what the drug does. So I want you to know: I know what it looks like, when a man is using it, and I know how bad it can get. Take this as a promise: I won’t let it happen to you. ”
The other shoe finally cooperated. “Right. I’ll keep that in mind. ”
“Before you leave,” she said, suddenly, like she’d meant to say something earlier but she’d forgotten. “I came in here to get you up because Angeline asked me to. She’s waiting for you down in the kitchen area. ”
“Thanks. ”
“And another thing. ”
“Jesus,” he swore. “Really?”
