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“You don’t rate yourself very highly, do you, Theodore?” Nic mocked softly.
“I know I don’t have the gloss you do,” Theodore snapped. “Your reputation makes you attractive to women, God knows why. But I will stand by her and adore her.” He took a breath. “Well, what do you say? Will you step aside?”
“I’d like to oblige,” Nic said, “but I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because despite what you think of me, Theodore, I want her, too.” Nic held out his hand. “Shall we wish each other luck?”
For a moment he thought the other man was going to refuse him, and then Theodore clasped his hand, squeezing it tightly. He gave a strange little laugh. “Why not?” he said, his eyes wild. “May the best man win, Lacey.”
“Olivia, please…?”
The frustration in her mother’s voice was growing and Olivia knew she should explain—try to explain—but she already knew her mother would never understand. She took a deep breath and made the attempt.
“It is true, Mama. I was at Castle Lacey last night. I was with Nic. But I was there because I wanted to be there, not because he forced me in any way.”
“Olivia, I don’t know how you could have been so selfish. So irresponsible and—and foolhardy. Your sister…” But whatever she was going to say about Sarah was never said. She shook her head. “All these years we’ve tried to keep you safe from…from men like Lord Lacey, and now you tell me you threw yourself at him! I can hardly bring myself to believe it. Ruined, that’s what you are! Ruined…”
That stung. “I do not see wanting to live my own life in my own way as selfish, Mama, and if I am ruined it is entirely my own fault.”
“You have a duty to your father and me…” An agonized sob caught her voice. “You cannot live your life your own way, you silly girl. Your sister said exactly those words to me, exactly those words, before she…she died. I will not let it happen to you. You will marry Mr. Garsed and be safe. Do you hear me, you silly girl? You will be safe.”
Olivia felt the tears begin to trickle down her cheeks. “But, Mama, I don’t want to be safe.”
“No, Olivia. I won’t listen to such nonsense. You will do as you are told.”
Olivia knew that in the past women were expected to deny themselves their own happiness, to sacrifice themselves for the sake of their families, but she had hoped that with Victoria on the throne things might change. Olivia could feel her heart aching at the idea that she should be tied down and forced to go through life like an automaton, to lock her feelings away from the light of day, and playact her way through it. And that was exactly what would happen to her if she obeyed her mother and married Theodore Garsed.
Then why, oh why, had she refused Nic’s offer?
“Mama, you don’t understand, you don’t want to understand,” she cried. “I was with Nic because I want to marry him. I want to live my life with him.”
“But, Olivia, you refused him!”
“Yes, I did, didn’t I?” She choked on a laugh.
Her mother stared at her as if she were insane.
“I’m sor
ry, Mama. I know I have disappointed you.”
Mrs. Monteith waited, and Olivia knew she was waiting for her to admit to her mistake, submit to her parents’ wishes, but Olivia couldn’t bring herself to that. Despite what had happened she did not intend to change the course by which she’d already chosen to steer her life.
Mrs. Monteith stood up, her back stiff, her eyes bleak—there was no sympathy or understanding in her face. “I will leave you to consider your future, Olivia, but be warned, I won’t allow you to ruin your life, or ours. Mr. Garsed loves you and he wants to marry you, despite this—this shameful episode with Lord Lacey. You must see that marrying him is the best, the only, solution.”
The door closed behind her, and Olivia fell back onto her bed and closed her eyes. Her head ached, her throat ached, and she wondered what on earth she was going to do. She needed time to think and plan, to discover why some stubborn worm had entered her brain and was preventing her from taking her happiness in both hands and running with it. Did she really expect Nic to be madly in love with her, just because she felt that way about him?
Perhaps she was hoping for too much from her rake.
When Nic called at the gatehouse on the way home, Lady Lacey kept him waiting only a moment. She looked as weary as he felt, and Nic wondered whether she had slept last night after they parted. He had tossed and turned all night, painful memories and wild thoughts filling his head and preventing him from closing his eyes for more than a few minutes at a time.
“Dominic?” A smile trembled at the corners of her lips before it faded away at the sight of his face. Nine years without speaking and she could read him like a book.
“She turned me down, Mother,” he said, tapping the cane against his leg, trying not to sound as if he cared. “She turned down Garsed, too, so I can take comfort in that.”
“Garsed?”
