AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Damn his smug tone. And worse yet, damn him for being right. Women came in and out of my life like trains pulling in and out of the station. I was the conductor, moving them in and directing them on to their next destination after they'd been there awhile. It never bothered me.
Until Grace.
Now I found myself distracted by thoughts of her. I constantly wondered what she was doing, missing the waterfall of words that fell from her mouth when she was nervous, her smell, her smile, her touch. And more recently, her taste and the feel of her in my arms. All have been enough to have me jerking off at least once a day to those memories.
"What would it hurt to let her in, Jax? Actually, nix that question. How does it feel to have already let her in?"
"I haven't..."
"Sure, you have. You've never come up here and talked about a woman before. Not like this." His raised eyebrow gave me pause. Few people knew me better than Noah. If anyone could detect a change in me other than my mom, it would be him, so there wasn't much point in denying it.
"Think about it. The only women you allow in your life are those you know you don't honestly care about." He raised his hand when I opened my mouth to protest. "Not saying you didn't have any feelings for them, but it was passive, right? How many of them have you given a single thought to since you moved on?"
I didn't have to answer.
"Exactly. Even though you maybe had great sex, that's all it was. You don't miss them. Once they're in the rearview mirror, you never look back. Now, imagine never talking to this woman again. One, I'm assuming, you haven't even had sex with. How does that make you feel?"
It would fucking suck.
"Grace. Her name is Grace," I mumbled. I didn't like hearing her referred to as 'this woman' as if she were in the same class as all the others. She wasn't. That was the problem.
Noah smirked but nodded. He got it.
"It doesn't matter anyway," I mumbled.
"Why?"
"Because she's not the kind of woman to fuck and chuck. She's a keeper."
"So, keep her." Noah made it sound so simple.
"Because I don't do that."
"So, change."
I shook my head. "I'm not sure I know how. Besides, women want too much attention, and I need to focus on work." I didn't mind the demands of my job. At least there was a return on the investment of time. Women were never satisfied.
His knowing eyes pinned mine again. "You know what I think?"
"If I said 'yes,' would you stop playing armchair psychiatrist?"
"Nope. You might as well stretch out on the couch." He laughed at his joke before sobering up. "I think you don't want to be like your mom who's lost two husbands. You've seen what she's gone through. Aaand," he continued ignoring my long sigh and eye roll, "I think you always pick women who remind you of Mallory."
I flinched. What the fuck? The few people who knew about her never brought up her name, at least not around me. Instinctively, I reached up and began to rub my left forearm. At the moment, I wasn't sure who had more mental deficiencies, Noah or Jack. "You're crazy. Why would I want anyone who reminds me of that...that bitch?"
Noah caught the gesture and grimaced. "So you won't grow attached and won't feel anything when it ends, which you make sure it will. And you always make sure it ends on your terms and at your timing. It's a control issue."
After several seconds of silence, I shook my head. "You're nuts."
He shrugged. "Suit yourself. Maybe I am. But it sounds to me like you thought you might have found your next conquest, only it turns out she's immune to your so-called charms. You can't control the situation because she doesn't fall neatly into your plan. You want her anyway, and that scares the shit out of you."
Snorting, I replied, "Stick to horses, dude. Maybe they'll listen to your bullshit while you're shoveling theirs. Besides, it doesn't matter. Grace and I agreed we want different things."
He shrugged. "Sounds like your loss, man."
It might be, but at least it wouldn't be hers. "For someone so interested in doling out advice, how come you don't have your own woman?"
Noah snickered. "And offer her what? I've got a falling apart horse farm and a shit load of debt. I can hear it now. 'Hey, wanna go out? Just bring your wallet because you'll have to pay.'"
