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"Because it was closer than your place?" I teased her with a grin that hopefully belied my nervousness.
Grace crossed her arms and gave me a look that reminded me of my mother when she knew I wasn't telling the truth. I pulled her to sit beside me on my couch. I negotiated multi-million dollar deals frequently. I wasn't afraid of conflict and had taken on more than one ornery construction site manager or cocky lawyer. I always won. But I sensed this was more life-changing. I needed to pick my words carefully, balance them so she'd know I was serious but not overwhelm her and send her running.
I picked up her hand that was resting on one of her knees and stared at it. "I'm sorry about what I said earlier. It was unfounded and unfair. You were right when you called me an ass."
Her eyebrow arched. "I'd say I'm sorry for slapping you, but I'd be lying."
I smiled wryly. "I deserved it. Relationships are hard for me because trust doesn’t come easily to me. I've found it easier to be around people I don't care about, at least not about anything personal. I pick people, women, I don't need to worry about trusting because I don't share anything personal in return."
"That sounds lonely." My heart softened at the sympathy I heard in her voice. I didn't want her pity, but the understanding and compassion I heard filled me in a way that felt good.
"I didn't think so. My needs were fulfilled." I looked at her. "At least I thought so until you fell into my life. You, with all your fire and snark who isn't afraid to call me out on my bullshit made me feel lonely when you weren't around. More so when you were around, but not mine."
I heard her breath hitch, but I needed to finish. "You were right earlier. I do put up barriers. I immerse myself in work because it consists of contracts and designs that I can control. But I can't control the feelings that you create in me. I'm tired of trying. When you mentioned finding what you need with someone else, something snappe
d inside me. In a word, you might call it jealousy. But it was more than that. I felt a loss like maybe I'd missed out on something amazing and might not ever be gifted the chance to have it again." She had to have heard the slightly desperate note that I ended on.
“Jax, I..."
"Please tell me I'm not too late. Please tell me you won't go on that date tomorrow night." I held my breath, a sinking feeling settling in my stomach like a rock. I waited for her to say something, anything, to end this void.
Instead, she started to giggle which finally emerged into full laughter. It was a beautiful sound that echoed off the hard walls of my home—and my heart. But was she laughing at me? I wasn't sure whether to laugh with her or puke.
"Too cheesy?" I asked.
She immediately stopped laughing, her eyes crinkled in worry. "Oh, no! No, what you said was perfect. Absolutely perfect." Her free hand covered mine that was still gripping her other one like a lifeline. "No one has ever said anything to me that was so heartfelt and wonderful. It's just that you..." She started smiling again.
"You're killing me here, Grace."
"I don't have a date tomorrow. Well, I mean I do, but not that kind."
Hope stirred within me. "Oh?"
"It's only a business meeting. I was tired of Jade and Maggie trying to fix me up. They think I need to get laid and since you were no longer in the picture, I mean, not that we ever were going to, or that you wanted, or I mean, I wasn't looking for that as you know, but I..."
Her face was bright red as I watched her try to talk her way out of the innuendo that she was only making worse. I knew by now she'd spiral herself into a quagmire of more words, so I stopped her the best way I could think of. I leaned in and caught her lips midsentence. My heart knew a lightness it hadn't known in years, and I didn't want to rush this moment. I tried to slow time, treasuring the moment to enjoy her sweetness, teasing her with small kisses on her lips until I finally sealed them beneath mine. She relinquished the hand she was holding as she leaned closer and rested it against my thigh, using my leg as leverage to get closer.
"For the record, I've always wanted you," I mumbled against her sweet tasting lips.
I nibbled her lower lip and used her gasp to slip inside her mouth. Her responding groan and the almost shy way her tongue met mine initiated a launch sequence that was going to be hard to put back in the box. Especially when she wiggled even closer. There wasn't a thought on my mind other than to bring her closer as my arm slipped around her waist and brought her to me. Her knees straddled my hips, and her soft center landed directly on my hard and growing harder cock. Breathing hard, I murmured, "Grace, what are you doing to me?"
She jerked back as if stung. "What? What did I do?"
I heard the confusion and a touch of hurt in her voice. I put my arms around her when she would have pulled away.
"That's just it. I don't know what you're doing, only that whatever it is, I don't want you to stop. The other night when I stopped you, I didn't know how to handle these feelings. I wasn't sure I wanted to handle them. I tried to convince myself I didn't need you, that I was fine without you."
Her arms and legs stiffened around me. I slid my hands upward to capture her face in my palms. "But I wasn't fine. All I could think about was you. I missed your laugh and your smile. I missed your snappy comebacks." I grinned. "I even missed how your mouth runs away from you sometimes."
"I don't talk too much! Sometimes it seems there's a lot to say, or I get nervous, or..."
I raised an eyebrow.
She wrinkled her nose but laughed. "Okay, maybe I do."
I smoothed her hair back before capturing her face between my hands. "I missed you, Grace. I've never missed a woman before. Tell me that means something to you because it sure as hell does to me."
One of her hands joined one of mine. "I...it does." But she shook her head, and the hope in my heart plummeted.
