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"Are we friends then, Maddy?"
"Maybe? I mean I'm not sure what we are, but you know more about me than most people, so that can make you either my friend or my enemy, and I could really use some more friends."
Her arms were crossed again as if she was bracing for me to reject her. I suspected there had been a lot of hurt in her life.
"I'm not your enemy, Maddy." I stood in front of the door. "I'm sure you have good reason to keep people out, but maybe it's time to allow someone in. It's a tough road trying to navigate through life all by yourself don't you think?"
She looked startled by my comment. "I wish it was that easy."
"What happened to you, Madelyn?" I whispered.
She was quiet for a long time, and I regretted the turn in our conversation.
"Just a matter of being born," she said, so softly the words seemed to get lost in the air. But I heard them. Sure, maybe life had dealt her a shit hand somewhere along the way, and she'd made bad choices. But her comment, as extreme as it was, sounded like she believed it, and my cold heart broke for her.
I bent my knees trying to bring my eyes level with hers, but it was hard since she was intent on staring at our feet. "Being born isn't a bad thing, Madelyn."
"It was in my family," she muttered.
"I'm glad you were born," I whispered and ran my fingers through her hair over one ear and dragged them to the back of her head. "You've helped me get through a really bad day, even helped me forget for a few precious minutes. And I don't think anyone else could have accomplished that, not even the bottle of Scotch I was headed home to."
"What did I help you forget?" she whispered back, finally looking into my eyes, as if desperate to believe my confession.
I started to pull her in for a hug, but as I looked into her warm brown eyes, I felt lured to her. I managed to shift before it was too late and pressed my lips to her forehead instead of her lips.
"An even worse day," I mumbled against her skin.
Knowing I better leave before I did something stupid, I quickly released her. I turned and left before she could ask the question I knew she wanted to ask. Maybe I could keep from showing my ass, but I wasn't ready to bare my soul.
Back in my truck, I turned the radio up as I made my way home on the rain-slicked streets. I needed the distraction from thinking too much about the past two hours. And once I was home I attempted to lose myself in some movie on television. It somewhat worked. But when I finally crawled beneath my covers, I tossed and turned before finally falling into an exhausted sleep. Only just as I succumbed, it wasn't the blonde hair and blue eyed face that I adored that whispered good night to me. This time it was a girl with hair the color of a warm autumn day and dark eyes that didn't know my story, but understood it just the same.
11
Maddy
It had been over a week since Holt had come to my apartment. His office door was usually closed when I made my mail rounds, but he'd come out of his office a couple of times while I spoke briefly with Linda, his secretary. He always greeted me with a smile but remained completely professional.
Sometimes I wondered if I had dreamed that kiss that had kept me awake for a long time after he'd left. When he'd bent his head toward mine, I couldn't breathe. Had I wanted him to kiss me, a real kiss, not the brotherly one I'd gotten?
In some ways, I felt so old, and in others extremely young. Most girls my age had experienced love several times over by now. Some would even be married, maybe with a baby. But at twenty-four, I was still like a little girl with no real experience with boys, much less men. There had been a couple of meaningless flirtations when I was in high school, but I had been quiet and shy, and the boys had gravitated to the more self-assured girls or the ones who were known to put out. All those women I'd been surrounded by in prison were always talking about how much they missed 'getting cock.' I knew some of them had been creative about finding substitutes for the real thing or negotiating favors in exchange for sex with certain prison guards. Or trying to intimidate newcomers.
I shuddered and brought my mind back to my work. I was in the break room utilizing the large table to alphabetize and tag some folders before filing them. I loved my job and had grown comfortable enough to make some recommendations for streamlining some of the paperwork and organizing and prioritizing requests. It hadn't gone unnoticed and had been appreciated by most people.
"What's the matter, Madelyn? No one around for you to suck up to?"
Everyone but her that is.
I sighed. Just one day, I'd like to go without having to listen to Mist
y's snarky comments. Most of the people I worked around were friendly. I found myself smiling more and more, and bantering with a couple of other girls who also assisted in various clerical duties. But Misty Barnes had quickly become a thorn in my side ever since she overheard Mrs. Holmes compliment my efficiency.
"Where is the stack of papers I gave you this morning, Misty?" Mrs. Holmes walked into the room. She looked pointedly at Misty, who sat at a table filing her nails.
"What?" she asked batting her eyes. "I'm on my break, just like I'm entitled."
Mrs. Holmes stiffened but didn't say anything.
"I’ll get to them," she said defensively.
