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"Madelyn. It's me."
"Holt!" I regained my balance and slapped one hand over on my chest as if I could hold my heart from beating out of my chest. "Do you have a thing for scaring the life out of me?"
"You?" he sputtered. "Where the hell were you? I was terrified something happened to you when I couldn't find you, and...and..." He dragged a hand through his hair, which looked like he'd done it several times before now.
"I needed to do laundry, so..." I shrugged and turned back toward the commotion.
"This late at night? And you were walking alone? Again? " Holt's mouth dropped open. "What kind of fool are you?"
"Apparently a homeless one," I mumbled. He was right. It had been reckless of me, but at the time, I hadn’t been thinking about anything but the envelopes in my basket. Looking at my apartment building, maybe that careless decision had saved my life.
"Oh, fuck, sweetheart, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. I just..."
His endearment caught me off guard. Judging from the dazed look on his face, I don't even think he was aware he'd used it, but it didn't stop him from reaching out and pulling me close. "I'm glad you're okay," he rumbled in my ear. "It seems I'm always apologizing to you." He took a step back from me and his eyes burned into mine. "But please, don't go out walking alone at night again."
I nodded, uncertain what to make of his sudden affectionate nature, but his arms provided a safe shelter against all the crazy, and I couldn't deny myself, enjoying the knowledge that someone had cared enough to search for me and make sure I was safe. For so long I'd only been able to depend on myself, and for a few minutes, I wanted to let go of it all and have someone else carry me, no matter how temporary it might be.
"Come on." He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and guided me toward one of the crowds. "They're trying to account for all the residents. We need to make sure they know you've been found."
I whirled around to face him as a new thought overwhelmed me. "Oh, my God, Holt! Did everyone get out?"
His eyes were solemn. "I'm not sure. Let's start by making sure they know you're safe."
I nodded and he steered me through the crowd that had gathered. He appeared to know where to go as he led me to a group where I recognized a few of my neighbors. The reality of the danger set in as I witnessed people in various states of dress and their distressed faces. The fire was mostly concentrated on the floor and side where I lived, but I was sure all of us would be searching for a new home until the entire building could be fixed and made livable again. Hopefully, most people didn’t lose all of their belongings.
While I'd met a few of my neighbors, I wasn't close to any, except maybe Serafina. I wondered if any of them had even noticed I wasn't among them, wondered if any of them had raised the alert that I was missing. Once again the concept of being alone in the world gripped me. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around myself and stepped closer to Holt, who looked down at me.
His arm tightened around my shoulders. "It will be okay."
I heard him, but I wasn't sure I believed him.
He flagged down a woman with a Red Cross logo on her jacket. I watched his lips move as he spoke to her, but it was like was watching everything from a distance, all my senses working, yet feeling numb at the same time. She wrote something down and glanced up at me. I stared at her, fascinated by how her face was constantly changing colors - blue, white, red, dark, blue, white, red, dark...
"Madelyn?" Holt's gentle shake finally snapped me back to awareness of the flash of red and blue lights, the rumble of engines, and the shouts of the firefighters as they called out to each other.
"I'm sorry. What did you say?"
She must have picked up on the shakiness of my voice because she waved to someone and a blanket appeared within seconds, which she shook out and handed to me. I didn't bother telling her that cold wasn't the reason I was shaking. Holt must have understood; he draped the rough blanket around my shoulders and then wrapped me in his arms. I rested my head against his chest and watched as the fire was slowly brought under control.
"I asked if you have anywhere to go tonight." The Red Cross worker tried again.
I shook my head.
She nodded. "That's fine. Not to worry. We're setting up a shelter for tonight where you can shower and sleep, and then we'll help you make other arrangements."
"No need. She'll stay with me, starting tonight." Holt's chest under my ear vibrated with his words.
I looked up quickly at him. "Um, I'll be fine. You don't have to do that." We'd come a long way, but being alone with Holt, in his home, made me nervous.
He looked back down at me. "It's not up for discussion. You need a place to stay, and what I can offer is better than a cot in a room full of strangers."
I opened my mouth one more time to voice a protest.
His voice was firm as he cut off any further arguments. "Unless you have somewhere else to go, end of the
discussion. And don't say the McCloskeys, because they aren't home."
At first, I bristled at his take-charge manner, but not having any other realistic choice, I nodded. Besides, isn’t that what I just thought I wanted? Someone to take care of me for a change? I relaxed in his arms and gave in to the need. I just wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to let go of it; it felt too good.
