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My sentence trailed off; I wasn’t ready to share how much she’d come to mean to me. She nodded. We both knew our relationship had shifted that night at her apartment, even if we couldn’t put a name to it.
Her fingers relaxed on the glass she was clutching. She looked around my living room.
"Your home seems nice, Holt. You have good taste."
I glanced around and tried to see it from her eyes. The room was decorated simply with brown leather furniture, a few tables and lamps, and a large television, all my work. My mom and sister, who’d shaken their heads at how ‘unhomey’ it was, had done the rest. The walls were a warm shade of light brown, and there were a few pictures on the walls and bookshelf, as well as a red and blue oriental carpet under the coffee table. A few plants scattered around added a little more life, as long as I remembered to water them.
"You sound surprised."
She gave me a half grin. "Well, maybe a little. Sometimes you come across sort of uptight, always sort of proper. So I guess I imagined something modern and cold, maybe more black and white with straight lines, I guess." Her cheeks pinkened, and her eyes looked a little sheepish. "Sorry."
Uptight and proper? Oh, baby, if you only knew how hard I'd come earlier imagining it was you sucking me, you wouldn't think so.
I laughed. "Don't be. If it had been left up to me, the walls would still be white, and I'd have a couch and a television with a lit-up beer sign for decoration. But my mom and sister were determined it needed to look more like a home. I think they were worried I'd get depressed again if it was too drab and dreary."
"Again?" She lifted an eyebrow at me.
Shit. She would pick up on the word that had slipped out.
I shook my head. "Never mind."
I had to work hard not to squirm as she eyed me thoughtfully, but she didn't pursue her questioning. Instead, she stood, dropped her blanket and moved across the room behind me as if something had caught her eye. I couldn't help but admire how cute she looked in her large sweatshirt that slid sideways, exposing a creamy shoulder. Even though I could only see a white bra strap, I found it way more inviting than Michelle’s black bra earlier. It left me wanting to explore and discover what lay beneath Maddy’s shirt, rather than knowing ahead of time.
Remembering the woman I’d ditched earlier, I felt a pang of guilt. Not because I’d left her, or even because I’d basically used her, but because I was with her in the first place.
She picked up something and looked over her shoulder. "You were in the military?"
"The Marine Corps."
She turned to face me with wide eyes. "But, doesn't this mean you were wounded?" She held up the case that held my Purple Heart and more significantly, my Navy Cross.
I nodded but didn't elaborate. It represented a dark period in my life, and I would've shoved it in a drawer, but my mom had insisted such an honor shouldn't be hidden.
"Wow, Holt. Just wow." Her lashes blinked a little faster. "I'm not sure what to say other than thank you for your service." She studied me for a few seconds. "You are okay, now, aren't you?"
Not as okay you might think, sweetheart. I thought I was...but you're making me rethink it.
"Mostly. Can I get you anything?"
"Aha. Using that deflection technique I taught you, huh?" She winked at me.
She was so cute when she was a little sassy. "Hard to teach the master, baby. Seriously, can I get you anything, something to eat, maybe?" I started toward my kitchen, hoping I didn't embarrass myself by not having anything edible in the cabinets or fridge.
"I'm fine, Holt. Actually, I'm a little tired. It's been a long day."
A quick glance at the clock told me it was almost midnight. Looking closer at her, I saw dark shadows under her lashes and stress lines creasing the skin around her eyes and mouth. She must be exhausted. "Of course, I'm sorry. Let me show you around your new home, at least for the time being."
I pointed out a few essentials including the guest bathroom, made sure she had towels and guided her to my extra bedroom. "I'm across the hall if you need me," I said. "There are spare toothbrushes in your bathroom." I held up a finger as I thought of something. "Hang on a sec."
I dashed to my room, grabbed a couple of items and came back. She was still standing where I'd left her, the dazed look back on her face. "What's wrong?"
Her chin quivered. "I.
..I..."
"Maddy?" I took the two steps from the doorway to stand in front of her and clasped her forearms.
"I...I don't even have anything to sleep in. I've really lost everything, haven't I? Again. Even my laundry. I dropped my basket with all my clothes, and the letters, and...and my book—“
