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Holt wasn't back yet, so I decided to take him at his word and make myself at home
by exploring his apartment. It was a lot bigger than mine with overall larger rooms as well as more of them. In addition to the guest room, he had one other bedroom that looked like he'd turned it into a study. Other than his bedroom, which seemed too private to enter, this was the one room that felt the most like him, so I nudged the door open further and entered. Curious, I was drawn to the diplomas hanging on his walls. It figured. He'd graduated with honors, summa cum laude to be exact. I shook my head and grinned. Of course, he did. I don't think Holt did anything half-measure.
Bookshelves flanked the single window, and a leather loveseat was placed against a wall facing a large, dark wood desk. Papers and books were scattered across the surface. I stood in front of it, nosily picking up a couple of pictures. One, in particular, stole my breath and forced the blood to drain from my face.
By the time Holt returned and found me, I'd convinced myself that everything I'd convinced myself of earlier - was nothing but a lie.
20
Holt
I didn't see Maddy anywhere when I got back. Putting the bag of groceries and carry out bag on the kitchen counter, I went in search of her. I found her in my study. The clothes that Sara had chosen for her fit so much better than what I usually saw her wearing, and my earlier assessment had been right. Maddy was beautiful when she didn’t try to hide it.
"Breakfast is here," I announced.
She whirled to face me, holding up a picture that I kept on my desk. The look on her face was one of shock and disgust.
"You're married?" she gasped. Before I could answer, she continued, "Oh. My. God. Holt, what were you thinking? Taking me out to lunch? Staying at my place for dinner? Bringing me here? No wonder your mother gave me the third degree. Whatever else I am, I'm not like that, Holt."
I hurried around my desk, but she backed away from me. "I appreciate everything you've done for me, Holt, truly. But I think you should take me to that shelter the Red Cross lady mentioned." She moved to the front door and reached for my truck keys. "Where is your wife, anyway? And what's her name, in case I need to explain?"
"Stop, Maddy. It's not like that."
"Really? Are you going to give me some line about being separated or something? You still have your wedding picture on your desk, for Pete’s sake!"
She darted around me, but I grabbed her arm. "Listen to me,” I said sternly.
She tried to pull away, but I grasped her other arm and held firm. "She's dead, Maddy," I blurted, startling us both with the bluntness of my words.
The fight seemed to drain from her, and she quit struggling. "Wh...what?"
Swallowing hard, I force myself to continue. "I was married,” I said quietly. “Her name was Claire, and she died five years ago."
"Bu…but the date on the frame is only from five years ago."
I tried to hold her gaze, but her sympathetic expression had me blinking several times before I had to look away. "I know. She died on our wedding day,” I whispered brokenly.
A shudder rippled through me. I released her and walked to the window, where I stood in a beam of sunlight, its warmth doing nothing to alleviate the cold I felt.
"Oh, Holt,” she gasped. “I'm an idiot. I'm so sorry. I should have known you wouldn’t do anything like that."
I heard her continue to mumble to herself. “Why do I always go off with my gun half cocked?”
I had my back to her, but I sensed her move to stand behind me; I always seemed to sense her presence. A small hand on my arm confirmed it.
Her breath was shaky as she spoke. "I can't imagine what you must have gone through. What you still must go through. And here I was rambling along, accusing you of something terrible. I'm so sorry, Holt--"
Turning to face her, I was a little caught off guard by the tears in her eyes. I shouldn't have been. Despite her outwardly tough demeanor, I knew she was a very sensitive person. I'd witnessed it many times.
"Shhh, Maddy. You didn't know. I should have told you, but it isn’t the kind of thing you just blurt out over lunch or dinner."
Her voice was full of chagrin. “No, I should’ve just asked you, not accused you. I swear, if dumb were dirt, I’d cover a full acre.”
Despite the circumstances, her answer amused me. Before I could stop myself, I cupped her face in one palm, using my thumb to wipe away a tear that dripped down her cheek. "It’s okay, Maddy. Really. It was a long time ago, but I won't lie. It still hurts."
She clasped my hand and wove her fingers through mine, keeping it against her cheek. "You must have loved her very much."
"I did."
