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Luka removed Roberto from the bedroom and I got out as quickly as possible.
I needed an escape.
I watched them in the living room as I exited the apartment in silence. Roberto was just sitting tied to the chair, Luka standing over him, a knife to his throat.
“Aren’t you going to say goodbye?”
I shot Roberto a look over my shoulder. “No.”
I slammed the door behind me. I ran down the stairs and onto the street, feeling the sun on my skin. I just needed to get away. I walked the streets, feeling free, but in other ways, I knew I was still trapped.
How had Roberto gotten in? I thought that Luka could keep me safe. He promised me he always would, but what if he couldn't? What if he couldn’t keep our baby safe either? What a disturbing thought that was. Suddenly the sun didn't feel as warm on my skin, and a chill ran through my body. I needed to find someplace safe where I could sit for a while. I needed time to think. I walked a few more blocks, looking for a restaurant or a café I could dive into. Finally I came upon a dive bar which looked dark and was covered with graffiti. It was the perfect place where I could hide in a corner and no one would notice my tears.
I pushed open the heavy door, and when I entered the dark bar, the smell of beer overwhelmed me. There was a long wooden bar on the side wall, and there were several small tables and booths. The walls were a dark wood color and the floor was made of stone. The place was practically empty, which didn’t surprise me, since it was a Sunday afternoon. There weren't any TVs hanging over the bar, just more bottles. Obviously this wasn't a place for the sports crowd.
I walked up to the bar and signaled the bartender to come my way. I sat down at one of the stools at the end. Hopefully no one would sit down next to me. I could drown my sadness in a pint alone.
“What can I get for you?” an older gentleman asked me.
“Anything.” But then I thought about it further and touched my stomach. “Actually a soda.”
He gave me the once over. “A soda, huh? Are you here to celebrate something? Or to chase the demons away?”
Demons. More demons than I would actually like to admit. “The latter, but… I can’t drink if you get what I mean.”
He simply nodded and wandered off. Within a couple minutes, he was back with a short glass of cola and a large square ice cube.
“Good luck honey.”
I lifted the glass to my lips and took a small sip, letting the liquid flow through my body. The bartender gave me a small smile and walked away from me as I looked around the place. There were maybe only five people in the bar with me. A group of men were sitting at a table in the back, talking amongst themselves, and there was a lonely couple at the bar with me. This was the perfect place to hide.
I took another sip of what I assumed was some off brand bar cola and tried to move my thoughts past Roberto, wrapping my head around what Luka had done.
He killed my father.
He was the one that began a chain of events that took my family away from me, and I knew that deep down, I truly hated him for that.
As much hatred as I had for his actions, a small part of me always wanted him to be the Luka I fell for when I was a teenager. I never wanted to really admit that he was a monster that destroyed my family. Ever since I'd made the decision to stay, I buried those feelings of hatred so deep that I didn't think anything could bring them back up. But here I was, waves of sadness rushing over my body. At this moment, I never wanted to see him again. But on the other hand, I was still his. It was maddening.
There was absolutely no denying the fact that I had completely fallen in love with him. I lusted after every touch of his strong hands, and I waited for him to call just to hear his strong, seductive voice. He completely owned me. Every moment not spent with him seem wasted.
I held the necklace that I had taken from my mother between my fingers, rubbing the silver back and forth. For the first time since she died, I felt truly alive again. He had given me a gift. He had given me my life back. And we were building a new life together, the two of us and our unborn child.
Before Luka came back into my life, all I had was anger and resentment toward him, brought on by Roberto’s tirades. But now, hearing Luka’s admission, I started to understand his reasons, and I knew he was telling me the truth. My father had been a complete drunk. Luka had said that he'd even beat my mother. She had gone to the Giotis for help. But in the end, they couldn't keep her safe.
So how could Luka ever keep me safe? And what about keeping me safe from himself?
I hardly noticed as the group in the back of the bar broke away from their table and stood around the bar. Whatever business they had been discussing clearly was over. I watched as a few of them exited the bar. I recognized the way they were walking. It was like they had an extra ten pounds of weight on them, but none of them looked overweight. They were packing. I looked around me again, almost as if I had finally started to notice my surroundings. Where was I? I tried to think of what street I had walked down, where I had turned. I wasn't sure anymore. Did I walk into another mob family’s territory?
Shit.
“Enjoying that drink, doll?”
An older Italian man sat down next to me. I watched as two men flanked him. They tried to seem nonchalant, and if I hadn't been observant, I wouldn’t have noticed their protective stances around him. I'd seen men do that before.
Too many times.
“It's all right.”
