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We couldn’t ignore it any longer. Seeing Kaitlyn with that asshole snapped me back to reality. What the hell was I doing?
We walked away from the luau, toward the cove on the beach. Lisa was at the house with Grayson. It wasn’t a great place to talk this through. I stopped to grab a blanket from the outside cubby at the bottom of the deck.
We reached the dunes and I spread it out. Kaitlyn sat.
“I-I need to tell you something.” I could tell she was nervous.
“All right. You go first then.”
“Ryan’s going to be home the day after tomorrow.”
I lowered my eyes to the sand. “I know.”
“You what?”
“He emailed me this week. A few times actually. I got one this morning from him.” I had been running around getting all this shit ready. I didn’t have time to tell her. And there wasn’t going to be a good time.
She blinked. “So you know I have to go back for his homecoming?”
I nodded. “Yeah. You do.”
“But I think you should come too. He’ll want to see you and it’s our chance to explain everything.”
I shook my head. “Not this time.”
“What do you mean? You have to go.”
“The man is coming home from over a year in the desert. He doesn’t know how long he’ll be home. I’m not dumping this on my best friend. He doesn’t deserve it.”
“Deserve it? Our relationship isn’t a punishment to Ryan.”
“I know that, Kaitlyn. But it’s not news he wants to hear. He’s never going to want to hear it. And I have no idea what he’s been through on this tour. What if he can’t handle it? I’ve seen stronger men crumble over there. It’s dangerous to put this out there.”
The wind howled through the cove. “What are you saying? You think I should just go?”
“No. I don’t want you to go. I need you.” I closed my eyes. “I want you. I want you here with me.” I sighed. “But it doesn’t mean I get what I want. You need to see your brother.”
I saw the tears collecting in the corners of her eyes. She might as well have punched me. I never wanted to make her cry. I was supposed to protect her. Keep her safe. Never hurt her.
“I don’t want to lie to my family. I’ve waited ten years for you Cole Thomas. Ten years. And now you’re saying we had a good run? I should just let this go?”
“It’s not what I want. I want you.”
“But you have me.” The first tear rolled down her cheek.
“And you’ll always have me.”
“But?” With that one look she shredded my heart.
“What do you want me to say, Kaitlyn? That I want something I can’t have anymore? It’s killing me? Letting you get on a plane tomorrow is going to be fucking horrible.”
“Then don’t. Come with me. We’ll take Grayson. My mother will love it. She’ll love him. And Ryan has support. He’ll figure this out. My brother is too stubborn to do anything but stay strong. He sounds fine. My mom says he’s fine. We can all do this.” She crawled into my lap.
“Cole, you’ve spent the last two years sacrificing everything in your life for other people. For Pops. For Grayson. And now for Ryan. Don’t you think you deserve to come first? Don’t you deserve happiness?”
I huffed. “I don’t think about it.”
She rubbed the side of my cheek. “I love you. I love you Cole Thomas. And if you’re saying you don’t want this anymore. You’re done with us, I’ll get up and walk. I swear I can do it. I’ve done it before.” Her eyes were hard. “But if you love me, and you’re pushing me away to sacrifice this for one more person, I’m staying here. And we’re figuring this out.”
