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But this was on me. I should have talked to him. I should have told him the night I opened up about my family. There was so much more to the story than what I shared. But the fear that he would hate me kept me from telling him I was desperate when I first moved to Nashville.
My parents were gone. I had no college fund. I had a pocketful of waitress tips and that was it. When I saw the ad for the dating agency I answered it. It wasn’t supposed to last long. And I wasn’t a whore.
“Ready?” the driver asked.
I nodded. “They can open the door.”
He signaled to the group outside and the door opened. The flashes and screams started. I stepped onto the red carpet, hearing my name mixed with boos and cheers. Reporters screamed my name.
The representative appeared from the side. “Right this way, Miss Wilde. We’ll just keep you moving here. Yep. Just keep walking.”
I smiled and looked up at him. He guided me through a line. Instead of stopping and posing for pictures or answering questions he ushered me on the other side of the paparazzi row.
“Don’t I need to—”
“We’ll just keep moving. I don’t want you to deal with anything uncomfortable tonight.” He pulled the earpiece on his head. “Ok, looks like I can take you straight to your seat.”
“But, I wanted to say hi to some people.” I looked over my shoulder. I was the only one being whisked inside as if I were late.
“Inside works. And it’s cooler,” he offered.
I refrained from stomping my pointy heel into his toes. He was only doing what he had been told to do, but I felt it. The judgment. The pity. The problem I caused for the awards. They would much rather I tucked my tail and stayed home to watch the awards in my PJs and with a big bucket of cookies and cream ice cream.
Instead Lexi Wilde was here to collect all her CYAs in person and remind the world that country fans had fallen for a girl that underneath it all was paid to be liked.
This was when I needed a manager—someone who could navigate this mine field for me. Show me where it was clear to step. Who I should avoid. The path to safety.
There hadn’t been time. Between severing ties with Jake, losing Luke, and preparing for the show with Helena I didn’t have time to vet and interview new managers.
Before he could shuttle me inside, a microphone was shoved in my face.
“Lexi, what do you want to tell your fans about the accusations? Do you think it’s going to affect your chances tonight to take home an award?”
I turned to my guide, indicating I was going to stop whether or not he liked it.
“Hi.” I grinned sweetly. “I’m so happy for my fan support. I’ve felt so much love this week. Really, I can’t thank them enough.”
Years of working alongside Jake had prepared me for these kinds of questions.
The truth was my accounts were filled with nasty words like whore, slut, and hooker. I had been overwhelmed with venom and hate. It took everything I had to get out of bed. Helena had convinced me to stop reading the nastiness.
“And the awards?” the reporter pressed.
“Oh, I’m not even thinking about that,” I lied. “It is an honor to be nominated, and I just loving being here to celebrate country music with my friends.”
I felt a tap on my elbow and I knew I had to get inside or be carried.
“Thank you.”
I ducked inside and faced a crowd of my peers.
“I can find my own seat.” I told the representative. “Thank you.” I tried to be gracious, but he was overbearing. “Unless you want to walk with me to the ladies’ room?” I suggested.
He took the hint and walked back outside. I doubted there were any other artists here who caused the kind of image problems I did, but someone always showed up drunk, and you could count on at least one couple to have a major fight in the limo before the car door opened. It was standard award show activity.
“Olivia.”
I waved to one of the first artists I ever toured with. Olivia Jones was one of the biggest headliners when I started in the business. I hadn’t seen her since we did a holiday concert together last year. I crossed the lobby to give her a hug, but before I got to her she had already stepped inside the theater.
