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He baited my curiosity. He lured me in with the appeal of healing the pain. Because if somehow I had answers I would feel better. It wouldn’t feel as if I couldn’t breathe anymore. I’d be able to make it through a day without sobbing. I’d be able to sleep without drinking three glasses of wine. I’d be over him if I knew the truth. I’d be free.
If I had the truth, I could heal. I could let him go. I could let the whole thing be in the past. The pain would be gone. The shattering would stop.
“Don’t pretend you’re going to try honesty now.”
His hands moved up my arms, folding over my shoulders. I tried not to react, but there was a whimper in my throat. I closed my eyes.
“Fuck, Em. I’m risking everything to be here.”
“You’re risking everything? You?” I mocked him. “I’m now in a cozy relationship with Agent Kenneth from the bureau. I was this close to being charged with treason. You have violated everything. Everything.” I wanted him to let go of me. To take his hands off me. “You need to go. Leave, Vaughn. Get out of here.”
The romantic notion that seeing him again would erase nearly a month of hell was drowned out by my anger. It was taking me under just like Vaughn had done—clinging to my ankles, dragging me below the surface of sanity. Below the level of good and right. Where justice and honesty floated. Beneath measure of where I used to live my life.
“I’m not going anywhere yet.”
A chill ran through me. “You should. I don’t want your lies. I don’t want you to touch me, or speak to me. Go.” My throat choked on the words.
He shook his head. “I can’t do that. Not until you hear what I came to say.”
“It doesn’t work like that anymore,” I hissed. “That control you had over me is gone. It ended when you left.” The pent-up anger I felt was undeniable. “You walked out of here that day, knowing you had what you needed. And it wasn’t me. You had no intention of coming back. You left me to be arrested and humiliated. Treated like a criminal. Everything I ever worked for could have been destroyed because of you. I almost lost everything. Breaking my heart apparently wasn’t enough carnage for you.” I glared. “That’s what I have to say. That’s what I need you to hear.”
“Fuck. I hear you. I do. Every word. I was on a plane to Dubai an hour ago. I shouldn’t even be here, but I got off the plane and I came here. To see you.”
“Why? Do you think Greer has more contracts for you? Because you know she was let go. She’s now an administrative assistant with absolutely no security clearance. You need to choose a different mark. We’re not helpful to you anymore. There’s nothing here for you to steal.”
“I don’t care about Greer. I came here because of you.”
My shoulders shook. “Stop lying.”
“It’s not a lie.” His voice was dark and calm.
“You had me. And you lost me.”
“Don’t say that,” he coaxed. “Don’t ever say that.”
I looked at him. One tear fell before another. “Is this what you needed to see? My tears. How you have drained me of every emotion. You have destroyed me. Did you need proof? Does this do something for you? Did you want to see the wreckage you left behind?”
“Damn it, Em. No. No.”
; His lips crushed mine with force and fury. I squirmed against him, but he held me against his body. The hard kiss blistered my lips. He breathed desperately and I reacted with instinct. With the memory of his scent, his touch. My hands clasped around his neck as his tongue twined against mine. His mouth moved with urgent strokes, sucking at the corners of my lips, biting until I moaned. The tears slid toward my chin. I gulped for air. I clung to him. I was starved for him. For his body. There was a thirst I craved that the wine hadn’t touched. There was a need for him that work couldn’t erase. There was a hollow hole that couldn’t be filled no matter how many miles I ran. None of it could do for me what that one kiss had. What one dangerous intoxicating kiss could restore.
“I love you. I came back because I love you,” he whispered. “I couldn’t fly to Dubai and leave you on the other side of the world.”
I staggered backward, trying to catch my breath. Trying to break away from the kiss that was more dangerous than a gun. I shouldn’t have given in like that. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, but my skin was already seared with his mark.
“What are you trying to do?” I stared at him. “You’ve played every angle you can with me. Just stop. The game is over. I know you don’t give a damn where I am.”
“What? There is no angle. I came back for you.”
My hands raked through my hair as I sank to the concrete. “I almost didn’t survive the first time you left. Is that what you need to hear? It wasn’t real for you, but it was real for me. I loved you when I shouldn’t have. I fell for you and that made it a lot easier for you to do your job. So I’m begging you.” I looked at him. The tears so heavy on my lids I could barely see. “If there is any humanity inside your soul, leave me. Because what happened can’t happen again. I can’t survive a second time.” I sniffed. “And I know how it sounds. It’s pathetic and stupid. But it’s the only way I’ll live. You have to know what you did to me. You don’t deserve the truth from me, but it’s the only weapon I have. I’ll say it again.” My eyes lifted to his. “Get out.”
He dropped to his knees. He cupped my cheek with the palms of his hands.
“God, I’m sorry. I fucked up. It wasn’t supposed to happen. It never was supposed to happen like this.”
“And how was it supposed to happen? Did I not fall into the plan like I was supposed to? What exactly did I ruin for you, Vaughn?” I laughed bitterly. “And that’s not even your name. I can’t even use your real name.”
