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I hung my head. One tear slipped and then another. I fell into the rocker. Eight years of hidden secrets and anguish came pouring out. Eight years of lies. Eight years of loneliness. The humiliation and the fear pooled in my stomach. I was twisted in knots of anguished emotion .
“It’s not a lie. It’s what happened. I was pregnant. We were going to have a baby.” My soft words lingered between us. “I left the island pregnant, Blake .”
I looked up into his gray-blue eyes. They were cloudy like the sea when rain washes over the waves .
“Sierra.” He dropped to his knees .
Eighteen
Blake
“T ell me. Tell me now,” I growled. My lungs pushed into my ribs, searching for room to breathe .
“It was right before we were supposed to leave for Saints College” She sniffed. “I took a test. Emily was there .”
“Emily? Emily Cornwell ?”
She nodded. “That was back when we were inseparable. She knows the whole story. But that’s not really the point.” Sierra breathed heavily. “As soon as I knew it was positive I stuck it in a bag and drove over to your house. But you weren’t there.” She looked up at me, with tear-filled eyes. “Your dad was .”
“My dad?” I didn’t get it .
“He saw the test. He found out I was pregnant .”
“No.” I shook my head. “Not possible .”
“He threatened me. He told me I had to leave and never talk to you again. He didn’t want the baby to ruin your college career or your AFA chances before you even started school .”
“No,” I growled louder this time. “Dad wouldn’t do that. Nothing meant more to him than family. Nothing .”
She nodded against my protest. “Somewhere in his heart I believe he thought he was doing what he had to do to protect you and your mom. At least that’s what I’ve told myself .”
“How? How did he force you to leave? I want to hear it.” I gritted my teeth .
“He threatened to tell you it was someone else’s baby. He threatened to ruin me. I didn’t have a choice. I packed up and left.” She picked up the glass of wine and finished it off. “I didn’t want to leave, but what did I know? I was eighteen and pregnant. He scared me to death. So much that I listened to him.” Her eyes misted and the blue shook my soul. “I never should have done it. I shouldn’t have listened to him .”
“But you did.” The words fell as the defeat sank into my shoulders. What in the hell had my father done ?
“Your mom was so sick.” She wiped her tears. “And I didn’t want to make that worse. She needed you. You needed her. I would have pulled you away from her last days. I knew that even back then. I knew I was going to rob you of time with her. Precious time you wouldn’t get back .”
“You didn’t think I was a strong enough man to figure it out on my own ?”
“I’ve always thought you were strong. You were the strength I needed every day in my life. It was never that I thought you weren’t strong enough.” She covered her face with her hands. “It was because I wasn’t strong enough .”
“Where’s the baby Sierra? What happened to the baby?” I felt a desperate instinct kick in. Maybe that should have been my first question. Where was my child ?
“It wasn’t ever going to be a baby. The pregnancy was ectopic. I miscarried two months after I left .”
“Shit.” My mouth hung open .
“By then I didn’t think I could come back. I had already ruined everything. And I couldn’t tell you I had lost the baby. I just couldn’t .”
“I could have handled it .”
“Really?” she questioned. “Your mom was gone. You were grieving and I didn’t want to ruin the happiness you had in your life. You deserved those. You were already headed to the conference championships. You were rookie of the year. You had a new girlfriend.” Her eyes hardened. “I didn’t have a place in your life anymore .”
“She wasn’t a girlfriend. And it wasn’t a happy time.” I ran my hands through my hair. “This is fucking unbelievable .”
I rose from the floor and paced the edge of the porch. I felt like a caged tiger. There was nowhere to go. And even though I felt restless, I felt like I couldn’t leave her. Not after she had just told me she was going to have my baby all of those years ago .
