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The clerk waved at me. “Your first appointment is here.”
“Oh. All right. I need just a minute.” I shared an office with another resident. She hadn’t arrived.
Yesterday during the orientation I received her name, but we hadn’t met.
I walked through the waiting area and into my office. I settled behind one of the desks and turned on the laptop the university had given me. The fan churned inside and I felt the warm air blow over my fingers.
I needed these few stolen seconds to remind myself why I was here. In the waiting room was a woman who needed my help. A woman who couldn’t afford legal help, but needed it. I was here to do something meaningful and rich with my life. I could help people. I couldn’t help Garrett, or my mom to see what he did to everyone, but there were people here who needed me. People who would listen. People who would respect my advice. Who sought it.
I could do something here my family had stolen from me. Garrett had ruined too many things. My parents were divorced. They still argued. They couldn’t be in the same room together. There was no peace or calm.
This was my chance to find something centered on my own. I needed this to work in a way they couldn’t understand. They thrived in chaos. It was drowning me.
I used to panic like my mother. I’d comb the streets. I’d call all his friends. I wouldn’t sleep. Sometimes I didn’t eat. If he was gone more than a day, I didn’t go to work. I was the only one who accepted the offer for family counseling sessions.
Her name was Beth. My counselor was the same ag
e I was. She said I didn’t have to call her Dr. Lane. I knew she didn’t have much experience, but I was desperate for a way to breathe. For a way out of the dark spiral that sucked me in to Garrett’s choices.
I didn’t need sage wisdom, or years of advanced degrees. All I needed was someone to listen. Someone to steer my ship out of the storm. Beth encouraged me to pursue American and Greer’s offer.
During our last session I sat across from her while she scribbled something on a clipboard.
Beth looked at me. “Is there anything you want to discuss before you leave?”
It was more open-ended than her usual questions. “No.”
She smiled. “Are you sure? You seemed to hesitate.”
“I-I don’t know if I’ll ever stop feeling guilty,” I admitted.
“Guilty? Because you’re moving and have accepted a job?”
I shook my head. “No. Because I’m leaving them.”
She let her pen drop to the paper and leaned forward. “You have the right to be happy, Emily. You deserve to be fulfilled in your life.” She paused. “And you can always come home to visit. You can call and text.” She eyed me. “But not too much.”
I sighed. That was the catch. How did I set boundaries? How did I find balance when no one else but me wanted it?
“And when that doesn’t work?” I asked.
“I think it will. I think you’ll be surprised how a little distance will free you.”
Beth had been partly right. I tried to use all of the relaxation techniques she taught me. I closed my eyes, expecting to see a picture of the beach, or a sunny green field, but instead I saw the sexy lust-filled smirk on Vaughn’s face.
My eyes popped open. That was not a meditative thought. I scolded myself. What the hell? I returned to my breathing, but my focus was gone. Vaughn had invaded my quiet space.
“Meg, send her in,” I called through the door to the clerk. I needed more than a distraction from my family drama.
I dove into the one thing that always made my mind focus—the law.
As promised I used my lunch break to check in with Garret. My call went to his voicemail. He hadn’t bothered to set up a message.
“Hey, it’s your sister. Mom is worried about you. Call her, please.”
I hung up and regretted not saying something about how I was worried too. That it mattered to me where he was. I started scrolling through all the social media sites I knew he used. When things were going well for him he liked to post pictures. He’d check in at a park, or upload a shot of a sunset. I didn’t see anything recent on his accounts. I tried not to let that worry me. It had happened before.
I called my mother to let her know I didn’t have anything to report.
