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I spun around on my heels. I had been right on my first day. They did make me feel powerful and in charge.
“I apologize if I have offended you in anyway.”
“You have in every way.” I looked at him with a new level of disgust. “I think I’ll take the Foley case back.”
“Of course. Anything you need.”
“No more meetings.” I was halfway out the door. “None. I want nothing to do your supervision.”
“That shouldn’t be necessary. Nothing occurred.”
I glared at him. “It did. And I’ll report you. No more meetings.”
He nodded in defeat. “No more meetings.”
I stormed down the hall, but just before I reached the outside door, I braced myself against the wall. My knees buckled for a quick second.
I pulled my shoulders back and walked out of the building. I had a ten-minute walk to the clinic. My head pivoted to the right. I had this feeling Max was behind me. I spun around, but he wasn’t there.
I walked through campus and turned again, knowing someone was watching me. I could feel the stare needling my neck. It was as obvious to me as the trees in my path. Only, I couldn’t find where it was coming from.
I returned to work.
“Everything ok,” Meg asked.
It wasn’t, but I lied. “Yes. You can send in the next client in five minutes.”
I walked behind my desk, ready to put my conversation with Max Harrison behind me.
26
For three weeks I met with Agent Kenneth every day at six o’clock. He waited for me on the steps outside my office at the clinic. We would sit on the bench in the commons until my shuttle arrived. I’d answer a few questions and then he’d let me go.
There was no new information on Vaughn. He hadn’t been spotted. He hadn’t surfaced on the intelligence radar.
I hadn’t decided if I was glad or not.
The last twenty-one days I had cycled through the stages of grief not once, but twice. Sometimes I’d go through all the stages in the same day. I would try to hold on to one, but a memory would attack, shaking me to my core.
When I turned the lights out at night and I reached for the cool sheets next to me was when the denial stage hit me. It was the moment in the day I didn’t care that I mourned a fictitious relationship. I didn’t care that the love was only on my side. That didn’t matter when the lights went down and I was alone.
In the mornings I usually awoke with anger. It propelled me out of bed. It fueled me more than the caffeine in my two cups of coffee. The anger was powerful. It took over everything until the next wave hit me.
Regret. Guilt. Embarrassment. Those were tossed in there with the sea of changing tides. I couldn’t hold on to one feeling for long before another one swept over me. Maybe that was my acceptance. Acceptance that this was my life now.
In a few days campus would be shut down. The students would leave for Thanksgiving break and as a general rule, the clinic followed the same schedule as the university.
I could tell Jessie and Gregory needed a break. They were excited about their proclaimed Friendsgiving. Meg was going home to Pennsylvania to spend the holiday with her grandmother. Addie hadn’t mentioned if she had plans. I had stopped bothering to ask her anything personal.
I decided that I would drive to New Bern. After spending money on an unexpected ticket, I couldn’t afford to buy another one so soon. Garrett was bringing Morgan to Thanksgiving dinner. It would be a distraction. One of the only times I considered New Bern a sanctuary.
Meg waltzed in my office with her time sheet.
“Can you sign this please so I can scan it in?” she asked, placing the form in front of me.
“Sure.”
I initialed the last line and dated it.
