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“I don’t know.” She groaned, spinning toward the glass doors to the balcony. “That’s not even his name. His name is Jeremy West. Jeremy Fucking West.”
“You’re mad at me? You blame me for bringing him here? Why don’t you blame yourself for bringing classified documents home in a cardboard box?” I fired back.
“That’s the protocol. I followed the protocol.”
“And I didn’t? That’s what you’re implying. That I dated and slept with a guy who wasn’t properly vetted. Is that what I was supposed to do? Get you to run a background check on him before our first kiss? Would that have made you happy?” I wasn’t finished. “You should have protected those documents, Greer. Not me. That wasn’t my job. It was yours.”
“You let him in,” she whispered.
I pulled the suitcase handle into my grasp and began to wheel it toward my room.
“You’re not going to stay and talk about it?” she called. “That’s it?”
I yanked an open bottle of wine off the counter on my way.
“No. That’s not it. But I’ve been stripped down to nothing by the bureau and I’m not going to let me best friend do the same.” I slammed the door and locked it secure.
I twisted the cork from the bottle and pressed the glass rim to my lips. I almost couldn’t swallow. The sob was stuck in my throat.
I forced it down. Along with the next gulp. And another.
When the bottle was empty I moved to the shower, peeled the vomit-stained clothes from my body, and stepped in under the water.
I stood in the center of the tub, waiting for relief. Waiting to wake up from this nightmare. Waiting for the haze in front of my eyes to ebb enough for me to see. I turned the handle under the water to scalding. My feet turned red.
I didn’t care. I couldn’t feel it.
I turned off the water and wrapped a towel around my chest. I wanted another drink, but I didn’t want to face Greer.
I walked to my bed and slid between the sheets. I turned my phone off. I didn’t know if Agent Kenneth would dare call. And after today I knew I had spoken my last words to Vaughn. He was gone. I closed my eyes. I knew there wouldn’t be peace in my sleep, but it was better than being awake where I could think and remember.
I counted backward. And eventually I fell asleep.
There was a knock on my door.
“Elliot, are you up?”
The sunlight peered through the blinds. I turned toward the wall. I wasn’t ready to talk to Greer. After last night, I knew we had both done permanent damage to each other. Something friends weren’t supposed to do.
“Elliot? Can I come in?”
She twisted the knob, but was blocked by the flimsy lock. It wouldn’t take much for her to push through it, but she stopped.
“Elliot? Just tell me you’re in there and I’ll leave you alone.”
I picked up a book next to the bed and threw it at the door.
“Ok. I guess that means you’re in there. I have to leave for a few hours.”
I didn’t know what that meant. She should be going to work. I looked at the clock. She should have been gone by now.
I didn’t respond. I pulled the quilt to my head and let the tears fall on my pillow. The cocoon silenced my grief. I didn’t know when I’d come out. I didn’t know if I ever would. In here everything was gray and shaded. Doused with pain and sadness. Betrayal had sunk its claws into my pores like open wounds and tore at me, ripping and stre
tching gaping holes in what was left of me. The murkiness was cold. I shivered uncontrollably, no matter how tightly I pulled the blanket to my body.
My eyes drifted open and I spotted the crossword lying on the bedside table. It was Vaughn’s.
I threw off the cover, snatched the book in my hand, and began shredding the pages from the seams. I screamed as the tattered pieces gathered at my knees and hips. I’d never felt such rage. Such anger. A venom that poisoned me with hate.
