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Talking about Mom was a taboo subject. Now that he said it, I too could see a lot of my mom in Emma.
“You still should have told me,” I said partly understanding now why he never brought it up.
He shrugged and shuffled towards the door.
“You left, and you didn’t care about anything you left behind. If Julie didn’t say anything to you, it wasn’t my place to do so,” he surrendered before leaving the office altogether.
I paced the room a few times. I was ready for my anger not to fly off the handle anymore. Part of me wondered if I would ever get control of it. Learning things like my dad knowing all along that I had a kid and choosing not to tell me really didn’t help.
I had to get control however so that I could see this last patient with a clear head. Taking a deep breath, I walked out of the office and into the small room without a second glance.
I was halted in my tracks to find Julie pacing the room as she wrung her hands. She stopped at my entrance and looked at me nervously.
“You're here,” I said surprised.
“Yeah,” she said.
I could tell she was still nervous by the way she was twirling a lock of auburn hair in her hands. She was wearing leggings and a tight tank top like she had just finished a workout. It wasn’t leaving anything to the imagination.
“Is Emma okay,” I asked wondering why she was here alone.
“Yeah,” she said again before giving a soft laugh at her monosyllable answers. “Savannah is watching her right now. So I could come here.”
“Come here?” I asked leaning on the door and crossing my arms. I wanted to take her in my arms again, but my logical side was saying give her space.
“What for?”
“I’ve been thinking it over. I will be okay if you want to come around and see Em. And if you feel it is right, you can tell her you're her dad.”
Julie let out a long breath like she had been dreading saying these words.
“You just have to promise me you won't up and walk out again. No matter what, once you're in, you're in for good,” Julie pointed a scolding finger at me in a motherly fashion.
I couldn’t help but crack a little smile at her action.
“I mean it, Hawk," she said smiling herself as she put down her hand.
I walked over to her then. I took her hands in mine. I wanted to be closer to her, but I had to be cautious.
“Leaving you was a mistake,” I finally said softly looking down at her. “If I could go back, I would do it differently. If it takes the rest of my life, I will make it up to you, to both of you.”
“Hawk,” Julie said letting our hands fall between us and taking a step back. “I’m talking about Emma, not us. I don’t think that is ever going to be possible again.”
I felt my brow furrow and fall at the same time.
“Is there someone else?” I asked.
“No,” she said with a soft laugh. “Trust me even if I had time for that, no one is lining up to date someone with a kid.”
“Okay,” I said. “Then how about dinner tonight?” I asked.
“What?" She said shocked by my question. “I just told you…”
“I know. I just mean dinner so we can talk over arrangements. You know the whole every other weekend thing.”
I wasn’t surprised to see her nose crinkle in distaste. I knew she wouldn’t like that idea.
“Or we could take it,” I added now moving closer and wrapping my arms around her, “as second chance at a first date. I want Em to have us both, to have a family together. All I’m asking is for a chance to try again.”
