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I met my best friend while we were both hiding away in the library one afternoon in high school, neither of us having the confidence to properly participate in school life. Our eyes met and she laughed, and then I laughed, and that was that. It was like, from that day on, we didn’t have to take ourselves, our predicament, or anything so seriously anymore.
She stares at me now with disbelief in her bright green eyes. Her blonde hair is tied up and she’s sitting in her garden, the sun shining behind her.
My head is so freaking muddled from everything that’s happened, the blonde of her hair reminds me of Alexis, that sick woman who stalks Conrad, who won’t leave him the heck alone.
Maybe if somebody else told me all that about her, I’d doubt their story.
But something deep inside of me – my heart, my instincts – tell me he’s telling the truth, he’ll always tell me the truth.
I sit back in bed, forcing myself to return to the conversation instead of drifting off in thought like I’ve been doing a lot lately.
“I know.” I giggle, shaking my head with the same disbelief that claims her features. “I can’t explain it, honestly. It’s just crazy, isn’t it? I don’t know what the heck is going on except I really, really like him.”
Simone nods slowly. “How much are we talking? I’ve never heard you express interest in anyone before.”
It’s not like I’ve had much choice, I almost say. But I whip it back at the last second because that could make it seem like I want choices, like I want a bunch of attention from loads of different boys.
But the truth is I’m glad nobody ever looked twice at the curvy shy girl hiding away in the library. It gave me a chance to meet my man.
“We’re going to be together forever,” I say.
Simone gasps and then laughs. She’s looking at me like any second I’m going to reveal the punchline, but there is no punchline, only the truth of my words, filled with beautiful light.
“Are you serious?” she asks.
I nod firmly. “Yes. Simone, I know it sounds crazy, but I think I crashed into him for a reason. He feels the same. He says he’s been waiting his whole life to meet someone and… He says it’s me, Simone. Can you believe that?”
Anxiety shifts into my voice at the very end, as the enormity of my words, slam into me, as I hear myself.
I sound like a naive little girl and suddenly I’m certain Simone’s going to laugh at me.
But instead, she sits up, leaning forward, staring hard at the camera.
“Callie, of course, I believe that. You’re an amazing person. You work your ass off. You take care of your mom. You’re pretty, funny, charismatic. And from everything you’ve told me, it sounds like you trust this Conrad. It sounds like something, I don’t know, sort of magical is happening here. But please be careful, okay?”
“Be careful?” I say, making it a question.
She nods, giving me her take-no-prisoners look. “Maybe try and take it slow, try not to rush into anything. What if all these emotions blow up super quickly and then…”
She leaves the sentiment hanging there, but she doesn’t have to finish it for me to know what she means.
What if they erupt quickly and dissipate just the same, leaving me hollow and resentful?
“I’ll be careful,” I tell her, because I know she’s not going to quit otherwise.
But I know there’s no chance of this feeling – this intense belonging, this all-consuming sense of destiny, fate, whatever the heck you want to call it – from going away. I look inside myself and see the future stretching outward, beautiful and bright.
If Alexis doesn’t ruin it.
If I can get over the anxiety about our first time, nasty whispers inside telling me I’m not going to be able to satisfy him.
“Simone,” I murmur a moment later.
“Yeah?”
What if he doesn’t fit? What if he laughs at me? What if I can’t please him in the way he wants?
I try to force myself to throw the questions at her, but my throat closes up and they all slide back down, deep into my belly, where they swirl in a maelstrom of uncertainty.
Looking around the bedroom – the sun shafting through the floor to ceiling windows, tempered by the blinds, across the hardwood floor and the ample space – I let out a sigh.
“Callie, what is it?”
“Nothing, it’s nothing,” I say.
Chapter Fifteen
Conrad
“Are you sure I won’t look silly?” Callie asks as I stand at her bedroom door with the bundle in my hands – a package wrapped in brown paper.
“There’s no damn way you’ll look silly,” I snarl.
“But you don’t know my size.”
“I checked one of your dresses when I went to work,” I tell her, fighting the urge to grab her shoulders and slam her up against the wall.
