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“Why is that?” he asked, curious.
I felt momentarily numb. “Everyone has their shit together. Everyone but me. You work hard, you make time for your family, and you always have a plan. Mina is younger than me, and even she has a plan. I couldn’t even think about having baby, but she’s so excited to expand your family.” I tried not to sound jealous. “Sometimes, it’s hard to watch people be so happy, be so put together. Sometimes, it’s hard to weigh yourself up against others. If you asked me two years ago where I’d be now, I definitely wouldn’t have said ‘standing still,’ but that’s where I am. Stuck in place, like a fly on sticky paper.” I wasn’t explaining myself very well, so when Lev did not respond, I murmured, “Forget it.”
And when Lev spoke, it was off topic. “I am an intelligent man.”
Confusion swept over my features. “Uh…”
“My I.Q. in nearly unmatched.”
“Okay,” I uttered, unsure of where this was going.
“Give me a sum, any sum. I’ll find the answer. And I’ll find it correctly.”
I smiled through furrowed brows. “Don’t take this the wrong way, brother mine, but I thought we were talking about me.”
“Would you agree that I’m intelligent?”
This was a losing battle.
I blew out, “Yes. I would.”
He put a gentle hand to my arm to stop me in my tracks, and when I stilled and he looked down at me with those golden eyes that rarely saw all of what was happening around him, he spoke eloquently, “And yet, in moments of madness, when my mind is overwhelmed with emotion, you have scraped me off the floor, fed me, and put me to bed on hundreds of occasions.” He let that sink in. My chest tightened as he went on. “You have seen me at my worst, unable to control my rage, beating men bloody.” He paused. “Now, I’ll ask you. After all that, do you still think I’m intelligent?”
My voice was whisper-soft. “Of course.”
“As are you, whether you have your shit together or not.” My brother didn’t always know how to express himself, but when he did, it was perfect. “Everyone is fighting something on the inside. We all have a dark spot that flares when times are tough. I’ve found the important thing is to pick your battles wisely, because winning each of them is impossible. And every time you lose, because you will from time to time, take a moment and breathe.” His hand slipped into mine, and it squeezed. “Remember, you’re not alone.”
I was stupidly close to crying.
God. He was something, all right.
My lip trembled through my smile. “See? Smart.”
Lev did not smile, but his eyes softened, and as we walked on in silence, he opened the door and let me pass. I made my way to the kitchen, and when it all came into view, my eyes widened at the mess of flour and batter all over the counter.
Mina twisted back to look at us. “Finally. This batch is almost done.”
Lidiya sat on a stool with her legs swinging, and as Mirella cut a pancake up into pieces, I snuck up on the little mouse and kissed her swiftly on the cheek, ripping a squeal from my niece along with some gasping giggles.
“Lidi likes my pancakes,” Mina muttered with a glare aimed at her husband.
My niece made a happy sound as her chubby legs swung about.
“They smell—” Interesting. “—great,” I offered enthusiastically, because Mina was learning to cook, and not every one of her recipes was a winner.
“I’m sorry we were delayed.” Lev walked around the counter to kiss Mina atop her head. “I hadn’t planned on Vik being there.”
A clatter sounded when the spatula in Mina’s hand fell. She turned slowly, keeping her eyes on me, but asked Lev, “Is that right? And where exactly was Vik?”
My eyes snapped shut, and I winced as Lev picked at an oddly orange pancake while revealing unemotionally, “Sleeping in Nastasia’s bed.”
“Sure, he was.” Mina smiled but it was almost robotic. And when she retrieved her spatula, she pointed it at me long and hard. “You better start talking, Miss Lady.”
A sigh left me as I reached onto my niece’s plate and stole a bite of pancake. The moment it hit my tongue, I reflexively spat it back out, mumbling, “Oh God,” because pancakes usually did not taste of uncooked mushrooms.
Thankfully, Mina was concentrating on her current batch of mushcakes, but when Lev handed me a mug of coffee, I took it with quiet thanks.
And then, I talked.
It was a little past eleven when I pulled up, and the moment I was out of my car, I stilled as a heated argument began when the front door shot open.
“You can’t work looking like that, man.”
This was Alessio.
“Come on. No one gives a shit what I look like. I’m there to keep the riffraff out. I’m meant to look intimidating.”
