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She flicked the button on the machine and opened the cabinet for a couple of plates and silverware. “And your plan backfired.”
“It did.”
“Because when you convinced her to trust you, you learned to trust her too.”
A miserable nod.
“And when you learned to trust her, you fell in love with her.”
My gaze slid to hers as she approached with a sad sort of smile on her face.
“Oh, don’t look so surprised. In some circles, I’m considered to be wise—sage, even.” She set down the plates and began cutting slices.
“Pie for breakfast?”
She nodded. “Sometimes, pie for breakfast is the only thing you can do.” When she’d plated a piece, she handed it over with a fork.
I didn’t argue.
Salma plated her own with knobby, speckled hands and sat next to me but didn’t say anything, just waited.
Silently, I stared at the pie for a moment. “I’d convinced myself that I was doing the right thing. That Jo and her family would be happy with the money, never acknowledging that I was working to convince them to abandon their morals, their principles for my gain. I told myself I was saving them from heartache by letting my father play games with them, certain I’d get it done before him and no one would be the wiser. But I was just trying to save myself on that too. I didn’t want to lose her.”
“But then you did.”
I shook my head. “She’s not going to forgive me for this.”
“Does that mean you’re not going to try?”
I took a bite of pie while I thought over her question, and it melted in my mouth. I took another bite with a little too much enthusiasm, my stomach grinding now that food was in front of me.
“I have to try,” I said once I’d swallowed. “I just don’t think she’s going to take me back. I don’t blame her—I wish for it for my own gain again, not hers. What’s best for her is if I just go. I’m no better than my father—I came here with the intent to use her. Doesn’t matter that I … that I love her. Maybe …” I swallowed hard, though my mouth was a wasteland. “Maybe this is penance. Payment for every terrible thing I’ve done.”
“Oh, now—I’m sure you haven’t been so evil.”
One of my brows rose in her direction.
She made a noncommittal sound, her mouth full of pie. When she swallowed, she said, “We’ve all done things we’re ashamed of, but that doesn’t mean we don’t deserve to be happy. Think you’ll still go on being evil?”
It was a joke, but I didn’t laugh. “Not with Flexion.”
“No?”
“My father made sure I understood that if I told Dottie what he was here for, I was fired. And that he’d make sure I left here with nothing.”
“And you told Dottie anyway. Even though it meant you’d lose Jo.”
“There was nothing else to do.”
“Sure there was. You could have done any number of things, including keeping it all from them, sure. You could have helped your father. You didn’t. You did what was right, even if it meant you were left with nothing.”
“I can’t feel proud of myself for that, Salma.”
“I suppose not, not right now, at least. But Jo is a reasonable woman—”
I laid another look on her, and she bobbled her head.
“Well, she’s eventually reasonable, once she blows off her steam. What are you gonna do?”
“She won’t answer my messages. I was thinking about going over there, but I don’t want to push her. I don’t want to make it worse. But if she doesn’t … if there’s no hope, I can’t stay here. It hurts too much, that slim chance.”
“You’re going to need to know sooner than later. If nothing else, you can get how you feel off your chest and let her unload on you.”
“And let her run me out of town like she’s been trying to do since I got here.”
“Maybe she’ll surprise you. She’s been known to do that.”
I nudged a strawberry with my fork. “Maybe.”
She was quiet for a minute. “Ask her to listen. Start with that. Hope for that. And don’t you say you don’t deserve forgiveness again—I’m gonna go ahead and call that bullshit. Everybody deserves a second chance, son, and you’re no exception. If you love her, go tell her. It’s the only way you’ll know for sure.”
I nodded at my pie, wondering if it was possible. But the truth was that she was better off without me. So I decided to pack my things, even if there was a possibility she’d take me back.
I never did believe in miracles.
28
Burrito Girl
JO
In the way of safe places in the world, burritoed in my comforter was easily my top choice.
I laid on my back, staring at the ceiling, grateful for the blackout curtains and central air. This morning when everyone got up to do chores, I stayed right here. Nobody even knocked. They probably figured I needed rest. Or that if they woke me, I might snap and gnaw one of their heads off at the shoulders.
