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Sam said nothing. That had been the outcome: He had survived. Yes, he was alive. But well?
“Go back to sleep, Astrid,” he said.
She reached for him, fumbled just a little, unable to find his face. But then her fingers touched his cheek. He turned away. He didn’t want her finding the wetness there. But she wouldn’t let him push her hand away.
“Don’t,” he whispered. “You just make it harder.”
“Is that a joke?”
He laughed. The tension broke. “Well, not an intentional one.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to, Sam.” She bent over and kissed his mouth.
He pushed her away. “You’re trying to distract me. Make me think about something else.”
“Is it working?”
“Yes, I’d say it’s working very well, Astrid.”
“Time for me to go.” She stood up and he heard her moving away.
He rolled out of bed. His feet hit the cold floor. “I need to do a walk-through.”
She stopped in the doorway. “Sam, I heard you come in two hours ago. You’ve had almost no sleep. And it will be dawn in a couple of hours. The town will survive that long without you. Edilio’s kids are on duty.”
Sam pulled on a pair of jeans and zipped them up. He considered telling her about Orsay, about this latest craziness. But there would be time for that later. No rush.
“There are things out there that Edilio’s guys can’t handle,” Sam said.
“Zil?” Astrid said. The warmth was rapidly draining out of her voice. “Sam, I despise Zil as much as you do. But you can’t take him on yet. We need a system. Zil is a criminal, basically, and we need a system.”
“He’s a punk creep, and until you come up with your great system, someone needs to keep an eye on him,” Sam snapped. Before Astrid could react angrily to his tone, he said, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”
Astrid came back into the room. He hoped it was because she was just too attracted to him to leave, but that wasn’t it. He could barely see her but could hear and feel that she was very close.
“Sam. Listen. It’s not all on your shoulders anymore.”
“You know, I seem to remember a time when you were all in favor of me taking on the responsibility,” Sam said. He pulled a T-shirt over his head. It was stiff with salt and smelled like low tide. That’s what happened when you washed clothes in salt water.
“That’s right,” Astrid said. “You’re a hero. You are without a doubt the biggest hero we have. But, Sam, we’re going to need more in the long run. We need laws and we need people to enforce laws. We don’t need…” She stopped herself just in time.
Sam made a wry face. “A boss? Well, it’s just kind of hard to adjust that quickly. One day I’m just me, minding my business. Then the FAYZ comes and suddenly everyone is telling me to step up. And now you all want me to back off.”
Orsay’s words came back to him, up from the fuzzy, sleepy recesses of his memory. The true hero knows when to walk away. It could have just as easily been Astrid saying that.
“I want you to go back to bed is all,” Astrid said.
“I know how you can get me to go back to bed,” he teased.
Astrid pushed him playfully, palm on his chest. “Nice try.”
“Truth is, I can’t go back to sleep now, anyway,” Sam said. “I might as well take another walk.”
“Well, try not to kill anyone,” Astrid said.
It was meant as a joke, but it bothered Sam. That’s what she thought of him? No, no, it was just a joke.
“Love you,” he said as he headed for the steps.
