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As I neared the kitchen, Bullet trotted out of it to greet me but just as promptly turned around and ran back into it, his tail wagging happily. A ridiculous surge of hope speared through my chest and I quickened my pace.
But the man sitting at the kitchen table wasn’t Ronan.
Chapter Eleven
Ronan
“What the hell do you mean, he locked you out?” I snarled at Hawke who was casually leaning against the side of his car.
“It means he locked all the doors-”
“Fuck off,” I snapped, cutting an amused Hawke off. He was checking something on his phone and I wanted more than anything to rip it out of his hand and throw it across the driveway but I knew better. As relaxed and laid back as Hawke looked, I knew it was just an illusion because in reality, he was brutally lethal and pissing him off for any reason was something only a man with a death wish would do.
I forced myself to step away from him and began pacing the small portion of the driveway on the outside of the heavy iron gate that hadn’t opened when I’d punched the code into the keypad. Bullet was sitting on the other side, his big tail thumping heavily against the ground as he whined. I put my hand through the bars to give him a pat and then he dropped to the ground and watched me in solemn silence. Like he was wondering how I’d ended up on the wrong side of the fence.
“What happened?” I finally managed to ask in a steady voice.
Hawke glanced up at me and then stopped fiddling with his phone and tucked it into his pocket before crossing his arms. Michael Hawkins wasn’t a huge guy but something about the way he carried himself always made him seem bigger than he was. He stood an inch or two shorter than me but there was nothing average about him. Despite the cool weather, he was wearing a black T-shirt that stretched across his broad chest and did nothing to hide his bulging biceps, both of which were covered in tattoos. Even though he’d long ago left the army, he kept his hair in the traditional buzz cut the military favored. His flinty blue eyes watched me as I tried to use constant movement to work out my growing frustration – it was a behavior I’d long ago managed to curb but had struggled with more and more in the past few weeks. Of all the men in my employ, Hawke was the only one I would ever allow to see me like this…because he’d seen me even worse.
“He came downstairs a few hours after you left. I told him you asked me to keep an eye on things for a bit.”
“What did he say?” I interrupted. God, I sounded like a high school girl pumping her best friend for information.
“Not much. He made himself a cup of coffee, refilled mine and then asked me to leave when I was finished. I told him that that wasn’t an option.”
“Did you tell him I texted him about why I had to leave?”
Hawke tilted his head at me. “Yeah. That went over real well, by the way. A fucking text, Ronan? Jesus, what are you, twelve?”
I ground my teeth together in frustration because I didn’t have a reasonable comeback for the jab. I’d taken the coward’s way out from the moment I’d released Seth from the restraints. I’d barely managed to do the right thing by cleaning him up and getting him settled under the comforter before the desperate need to run had overtaken me.
I’d made a terrible mistake in fucking Seth. Shit, that word didn’t even fit what we’d done. We’d made love, pure and simple. I’d been selfish in taking what he should have given to someone more deserving. Because I had no doubt that Seth could have his pick of strong, giving, loving men as soon as he started putting himself out there…as soon as he realized the truth about what I’d become and let me go.
But worse than being selfish, I’d been foolish too. Foolish in thinking that in tying Seth up with my belt, that he wouldn’t be able to touch me. Because everything Seth did touched me. Every look, every smile, every emotion filled kiss he’d given me, the way his body had cradled mine. That was why I’d run. Being with Seth had been the fuck up of fuck ups and I knew it would happen again the second he looked at me with that longing gaze that had me wishing I could be what he needed.
I’d left three days ago and I hadn’t been man enough to even call Seth once. I’d taken his virginity – an act that had been incredibly emotional for him if his tears had been anything to go by – and I’d disappeared just like I had three years earlier.
