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Bullet began jumping up and down on his hind legs as Hawke approached and I quickly put my hand on his back to settle him down. The big dog was struggling with not being able to run loose like he wanted, but the vet had said he just needed a few more days of limited activity to give his body more time to heal. She’d also pointed out that if we’d gotten Bullet to her any later, he wouldn’t have made it. I had Ronan to thank for the fact that I still had my best friend with me.
And the man standing next to me.
Hawke wasn’t quite as big as Ronan but there was something about his presence that had me on edge. Like the relaxed, easy demeanor was an illusion and he could strike out at any moment. I’d suspected the man had still been watching me at Ronan’s request but I hadn’t actually seen him until now.
“How’s he doing?” Hawke asked as he sat down next to me and ran his hands along Bullet’s face. Somehow my big, powerful dog had become mush in the man’s presence.
Just like with Ronan.
“He’s good. He’s got a couple more days of down time and then he should be good to go. Thank you for what you did for him.”
Hawke merely nodded. His silence unnerved me as he stared across the dark blue waters of the Sound. My parents had built our vacation home on the top of a bluff along the southwestern part of the island and they’d bought enough of the surrounding land and waterfront so that there weren’t any neighbors for miles. I’d used the remote location to my advantage in the years after they’d died, but having had Ronan here even for a few days made me realize how truly isolated my life had become.
I expected Hawke to start talking at some point but ten minutes passed, then fifteen and nothing. Bullet had dropped down to lay between us, his big head resting on Hawke’s black boot.
“Is he gone?” I finally asked, since I was too worn out to try to figure out what Hawke’s presence meant.
Hawke shook his head.
“I haven’t seen him,” I said.
“Wasn’t that the idea?” Hawke asked, though his eyes remained on the water.
I didn’t know how to answer that…or maybe I didn’t have the courage to answer it. “Why are you still here?”
Hawke was quiet for so long that I didn’t think he’d answer but then he finally looked at me. “If you could have a few more minutes with your parents, your brother, even knowing you were still going to lose them, would you want them…the minutes, I mean?”
I nodded.
“Ronan gave me that,” Hawke said before shifting his gaze up and down the beach and then checking over his shoulder.
“How?” I asked.
“My wife. Ronan was working the night my wife and I came into the ER.”
I saw Hawke finger the obvious burn scar on his jaw and I wondered if he even realized he was doing it.
“She would have died then and there if he hadn’t done what he did. He gave me three days to say goodbye to her, to feel the warmth of her hand in mine, to hear her tell me she loved me one last time. To feel the softness of her lips before she had to be intubated. To tell her all the moments in my life that were perfect were only that way because she’d been a part of them.”
The heartbreaking words caught me off guard. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, my throat feeling tight as I remembered my own loss and how I would have given anything to be able to tell my parents and my brother how much I loved them one more time. “So you owe him?” I finally ventured.
Hawke shook his head. “No, not anymore.”
I didn’t know what to make of the cryptic statement. Bullet sat up and pressed his nose against my hand and I realized he’d sensed my building stress. “I’ll never be enough for him,” I whispered as I let my gaze fall to the black and brown fur on the top of Bullet’s head. It was ridiculous to admit my fear to a virtual stranger, but the need to understand Ronan’s behavior was overriding my common sense. I’d been so sure after the night that Ronan had made love to me for the first time that he saw me as something more…as someone apart from Trace’s brother. And last week he’d told me we wouldn’t ever be done even though he was the one who’d walked away from me the morning after our first night together.
I felt the thickness in my throat growing as Hawke didn’t respond, but just as I was about to get up to escape the humiliation, he spoke. “Seth, there’s going to come a day when you learn the truth about what happened to your brother.”
