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“Would you mind driving today?” Seth asked as I reached his side. I wanted so badly to lean down and tip his head back for a kiss, that I actually fisted my hand behind my back in a desperate hope the move would somehow prevent me from grabbing him. I took the keys with my other hand.
“Sure,” I managed to say, though my voice sounded raspy.
I hadn’t returned to the house until almost four in the morning. I hadn’t seen Hawke but I’d known he was around somewhere. I’d glanced up at Seth’s window as if expecting him to be standing there waiting for my return. He hadn’t been.
It wasn’t until we were on the ferry that I finally broached a subject I’d needed to speak with Seth about, but that I’d put off after the awkwardness that had occurred after I’d fucked him in his office bathroom the day before.
“I’d like to come to New York with you,” I said, though I kept my eyes on the approaching mainland. Seth and I were standing in our usual spot on the upper level of the ferry.
“Okay.”
It was the answer I’d wanted but the tone in his voice made my heart sink. Dejected, dull…lifeless.
I’d done that to him. He’d done nothing but give and I’d shit all over that because I was too much of a fucking coward not to give him back what he deserved.
“You told Dr. White it was a chartered jet.”
Seth nodded. “Stan knew I wouldn’t be comfortable on a commercial flight so he suggested it. He said we could take it as a business expense but I’m going to pay for it myself. Stan’s flying out a couple days earlier…he’s got family out there.”
We were both silent for a while. I hated that Seth wouldn’t look at me. I hated that he wasn’t the same Seth he’d been just twenty-four hours ago. Laughing, joking, making fun of the fact that he kept kicking my ass at Tetris.
“Seth, about last night-”
“You don’t have to explain, Ronan. I shouldn’t have pushed so hard.”
“Seth…”
“Please, Ronan, don’t. Okay?” Seth whispered, his voice thick with what I suspected were unshed tears. “Just don’t.”
I forced the knot in my throat down with a hard swallow as I watched Seth turn away from me and head for the stairway that led to the lower level where the cars were. I waited a few minutes and then followed. I didn’t speak to him again and once we arrived at his office, I used an empty cubicle nearby to check my email and make a decision on which security firm to go with. When I went to Seth’s office to check on what he wanted to do for lunch, his assistant informed me that he was meeting with Stan and that he wouldn’t be available for the rest of the afternoon.
I busied myself with looking at the latest information Daisy had sent me, but for the first time that I could remember, I struggled with making any decisions about how to move forward with the case she had outlined. It was as straightforward as they came. The man had been accused of killing two little girls after abducting them from their homes in the dead of night. He’d escaped prosecution on the first case because the witness lineup had been tainted by an overzealous detective. He’d been convicted of the second murder, but had escaped from custody while being transferred to prison. Daisy had managed to find him after pictures of him and one of the victims surfaced on the Deep Web – the arrogant fucker had posted the pictures himself in a private chat room for pedophiles that Daisy had hacked. She’d then used the IP address to find his location. Ironically, he was less than an hour’s drive from Whidbey Island, which meant I was the closest operative besides Hawke to take him out. I knew what needed to happen but what was bothering me was the fact that I didn’t want to do it myself. Not because the idea of killing the fucker bothered me in any way…no, my reasoning was much more personal than that.
“You ready to go?”
Seth’s voice startled me. I glanced at the clock on my laptop and saw it was well past the time we normally left the office. I nodded and shut my computer down.
As we made our way to the elevator, I debated whether I should try talking to Seth again about the night before, but he made the decision for me when he stepped onto the elevator car behind me and promptly moved as far away from me as he could get. My stomach sank when I realized that would be his reaction if and when he found out what I did for a living these days.
