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I’d also had a chance to talk to both men in turn and while they’d never probed me about my past, they’d been open about their own struggles to find each other. I’d felt an immediate kinship with Seth because of our close proximity in age, but it was Ronan’s past that I’d understood more. His own childhood had been bleak and he’d admitted that he really hadn’t understood what it had meant to be a part of a family until he’d met and started dating Seth’s older brother, Trace. He’d lost that for a while after Trace’s death, but he hadn’t needed to say the words for me to know that he’d definitely found it again with Seth. And I’d finally understood what Ronan had meant when he’d said that he and Seth knew me, that they’d once been me. It had given me hope that maybe I could one day have what they’d had. I’d also felt a sliver of hope take root deep inside me that when all this was over, when Matty was better, he and I might have found our own little version of a family.
But none of it would have happened if Hawke hadn’t stormed his way into our lives. He’d bullied, threatened and terrorized me, but he’d never actually hurt me and I did believe what Ronan had said about Hawke not going through with his threats to give my DNA to the police. I couldn’t say why I’d believed that, but somewhere along the way I had. Maybe it was the little things he’d done for me and for Matty. Making sure I ate, buying Matty ice cream and letting him play at the park after spending hours in the car.
And then the damn note.
I’d known within minutes of reading it over and over again that I couldn’t leave things that way. Even if by some miracle I could have found a way to pay him back for what he’d done, it wasn’t money that he needed from me. He’d given me my son and possibly even a new unofficial family…things I couldn’t give back to him. But I could help him find peace. I could help him ease some of the torment of losing his wife and child.
The decision to leave Matty hadn’t been easy, not because I didn’t trust Ronan or Seth because I absolutely did – no, the decision had been one of the hardest in my life because for the past two years everything in my life had been about what was best for Matty. And if my little boy hadn’t been as strong and as brave as he was, I wouldn’t have been able to walk out of that room, his beloved Spiderman doll clutched between my fingers. But any doubts I’d had about my choice had fled the moment the night nurse had told me about Hawke’s nighttime visits. I’d wanted to ask her more, like what had he done when he visited, how long had he stayed, had he really been there each night? But I hadn’t had enough time since I’d had a flight to catch.
Ronan had taken care of all the travel arrangements for me and had even bought me a cell phone so that I would be able to stay in constant contact with them. My brain was overwhelmed by the sheer number of dollars that I was accruing in unofficial debt, but I’d tried not to focus on that as I’d driven the rental car over the numerous mountain passes that were still covered with snow despite it being spring. The GPS on the phone had gotten me to Hawke’s house which I was supremely grateful for, since it was so dark when I’d arrived that I never would have found it based on written directions alone. I hadn’t been able to make much out about the property other than there seemed to be no immediate neighbors based on the lack of any other kind of light besides the single lamppost next to what I’d finally realized was the garage as I’d gotten closer. The garage with an older model blue pick-up truck in front of it.
And Hawke.
As I made my way up the path towards the house, lights inside started turning on. It was too dark to make out the outside of the house other than it appeared to be an older farmhouse with two stories. There was a porch running the length of the front of the house and I couldn’t help but notice the faded rocking chairs sitting off to one side.
Two chairs.
I let myself in through the screen door and tried to get my bearings since Hawke had disappeared. The first thing I noticed about the house was the smell…not bad exactly, just stale. Like it had been a while since it had been opened up long enough to let fresh air in. The second thing I noticed was a very fine layer of dust on the furnishings just inside the door.
