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Without a condom.
And it had been the most explosive orgasm I could ever remember having.
So not only had I betrayed my wife, the sex had exceeded what I’d had with the woman who’d been my entire world.
I hadn’t been able to stay away from Tate when he’d gotten off the bed to go to the bathroom. All I’d wanted to do was curl into a ball and drown myself in memories of Revay, but my guilt had been a living thing and I’d forced myself to get up and follow him to make sure he was okay. He hadn’t noticed when I’d opened the door and I’d stood there in stunned silence as I’d watched Tate run his fingers over the bruises on his hips where I’d gripped him to keep him from moving away from me. And then he’d looked at me and I’d felt the invisible pull between us that I’d been feeling from the day I’d met him. Everything had floated away in that moment and it had been just me and him, both hurting, both needing something we could only find in each other. So I’d made love to him. Afterwards, I’d wanted to deny that that was what we’d done, but I couldn’t make any other words fit.
It hadn’t been as simple as making out or getting each other off, and it hadn’t been anything like what I’d done to him on the bed because that had been pure, raw fucking. No, it had been more than that. It had been about exploring his body, understanding every line, plane and curve. Feeling every texture, tasting the unique flavors of his mouth, his skin. Hearing every sound he made, the way he begged, the desperation, the way my name sounded when it fell from his lips.
My plan had been to have that moment only be about Tate’s needs, but when he’d struggled to find his own orgasm, I’d needed more. I’d needed to share it with him, so I’d taken us both in hand and for the third time in less than an hour, I’d come again.
It had been fucking perfect.
Until it wasn’t.
Because the memories had rolled over me like a tidal wave. My beautiful wife, my son, the future I should have had. All of it stolen away by the father and brother of the man who’d just shattered my entire world with three little words.
It’s okay, Hawke.
Three little words that had given me permission to let go of the past for a few minutes, to feel things I’d never expected to feel again…
“Hawke, it’s this exit.”
“Huh?” I managed to say as Tate ripped me from my thoughts for the second time.
“The rest stop,” Tate said quickly.
I managed to jerk the truck to the right before I completely passed the exit and I saw Tate grab onto the armrest as the truck swerved sharply. “Sorry,” I muttered as I maneuvered the pickup to a stop in front of the nearly deserted building that housed the bathrooms.
Tate got out of the car before I even put it in park, but instead of heading towards the building, he started walking in the opposite direction. Concerned, I got out and followed him. He stopped by some picnic benches under a large tree and climbed up on one so that he was sitting on the tabletop. I stopped in front of him, but didn’t speak because I could see from the agitation on his face that there was something he needed to say. I steeled myself for the angry words I knew were coming.
“I promised myself I wouldn’t do this,” Tate murmured as he rubbed his hands together and tapped his foot on the bench. “But I’m fucking scared to death, Hawke.”
His words caught me off guard, but he continued before I could say anything.
“I know you’re messed up about what happened last night, but, please, I need you to be with me one hundred percent before we get to Lulling,” Tate whispered. “Because more than anything right now, I need to know that I’m going home to my son when this is all over.”
God, I was a complete shit.
I mulled over the best words to say as I sat down next to Tate. He was right of course. The events of the night before were a huge distraction for me, but not enough that I wouldn’t have been aware of any danger we were in and I had no doubt that the second we rolled into Lulling, I’d be on full alert. But Tate wouldn’t have known any of that. He’d risked so much to help me and I couldn’t even get myself together long enough to reassure him that I would keep him safe.
Although I’d told myself the night before as I lay sleepless in my bed that I wouldn’t touch Tate again, I did just that and put my hand on the back of his neck. I waited until he finally looked at me before speaking. “I’m with you, Tate. One hundred percent. You are going home to Matty.”
