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Hawke nodded and I could see him blinking back tears. “I’ve been so afraid that I would start forgetting things about her so I tried to keep her with me. And then I met you and I thought I would have to let her go to be with you and I couldn’t-”
Hawke’s voice cracked as he shook his head. “I just couldn’t do that to her, you know?”
I nodded. “I know, baby,” I said as I pulled him against me and wrapped my arms around him. “She’s a part of you and that makes her a part of us. I love you so much.”
“I love you,” Hawke whispered. He drew back and took my hand and led me to the bed. He kissed me, but kept it chaste and tugged me until I was sitting next to him on the mattress. He shifted so that he was facing me. “I need to tell you something…it’s about what I do for a living.”
“I already know,” I interjected before he could continue. “Ronan told me.”
Hawke stiffened and pulled his hands free of where he’d been holding mine. He was clearly waiting for the recrimination he expected me to heap on him.
In truth, I’d struggled with what Ronan had shared with me the night before he’d told me he was flying to Wyoming to check on Hawke and that Matty and I could come with him if we wanted or we could stay at the house on Whidbey Island with Seth. The idea that Hawke had killed people, scores of them, was hard to swallow and a part of me had been horrified. But then Ronan had told me the story of how he and his fiancé had been beaten and brutally raped with a foreign object – an attack so vicious that his fiancé, Seth’s older brother, had died from his injuries. And there’d been no justice for either of them when the military had refused to acknowledge the attack. Ronan had been upfront about Hawke’s role in helping him seek vengeance. After that, he’d handed me a thick stack of papers and told me I needed to decide for myself.
I’d spent hours that night looking through the criminal records of all the men and even a few women who’d died at the hands of Ronan and the men who worked for his underground vigilante group, Hawke included. Among the descriptions of the horrendous crimes had been stories of failed justice and missed opportunities. And the victims…that had been the hardest part to read about. Some as young as Matty, some as innocent as Hawke’s wife. By the time I’d finished, the sun had been rising and I’d gone to find Ronan before Matty had woken up and I’d told him that Matty and I would be joining him.
“It doesn’t change anything,” I said to Hawke as I sought out his hands again. “Ronan showed me everything and told me I had to decide for myself. We’re here Hawke,” I said as I squeezed his hands.
“You can’t be okay with it,” Hawke said in disbelief.
“Truth?”
Hawke nodded.
“If it’s something you need to do, I’ll figure out a way to deal with it. But if we’re really going to do this – if we’re really going to try and build a life together, I don’t want to have to keep a secret like that from our son.” At Hawke’s indrawn breath I lowered my voice and said, “He’d be ours, Hawke. You would be his father.”
My stomach clenched at the prospect that all of this might be over before it had really even had a chance to begin.
“Our son,” Hawke said softly as if testing it. He nodded, a small smile gracing his strained features. “Ours,” he repeated as he dropped his eyes. When he lifted them again, they were bright with emotion and he said, “I’ll tell Ronan I’m out.”
“Hawke-”
Hawke leaned forward and kissed me. “We’re going to be a normal family, Tate. You, me and Matty.” Hawke sifted his fingers into my hair and whispered, “He’s going to get better and then we’re going to have it all. Play dates, after school activities, PTA shit…all of it. Do you hear me?”
I laughed and nodded. “No more pretending.”
“No more pretending,” Hawke said softly and then he pulled me into his arms and kissed me.
The gentle kiss quickly turned heated and my body took over. I straddled Hawke’s lap and took over the kiss as his palms skimmed down my back and settled on my ass. I’d already changed into my sweats so Hawke had no problem pushing his hands into my pants to grip my ass so he could grind our lower bodies together.
“I need you,” I said as I leaned down to grab the hem of my shirt and yanked it off over my head so Hawke’s hands wouldn’t have to stop what they were doing.
