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I hadn’t had any idea of what Caleb would tell us about what had happened to him from the time he’d left me that message, but I certainly wasn’t expecting him to expose my biggest secret in front of both a virtual stranger and the man I’d hoped would never find out what I’d done. Even now, the knowledge that Mav knew I’d fucked a man I considered a father – my own mother’s husband – was making me violently ill, and I wished more than anything that Mav would stop touching me because my skin felt like there were a million ants crawling beneath it.
“Caleb, what happened after you called Eli?” I heard Mav ask, and I forced myself to focus.
“My dad overheard me leaving that message,” Caleb began. “He took my phone from me and hit me. He said I’d be sorry if I tried it again. I told him I knew the truth about what had happened to Nick and that he wasn’t going to get away with it. I also told him that I had proof of what he’d been doing to me and Nick and Eli and that if he ever touched me again, I’d give it to the cops and the press.”
“What?” I whispered in disbelief as his words sank in. “No,” I said as I shook my head. “No,” I repeated and I looked at Mav in the hopes that he would tell me I’d heard Caleb wrong.
“Caleb, did your father…did he touch you and Nick?”
Caleb’s gaze shifted to Jace who nodded his head and then reached up to tenderly brush Caleb’s hair from his forehead. My stepbrother turned his attention back to Mav and sucked in a deep breath before saying, “I don’t know exactly how old Nick was when it started for him, but I was thirteen the first time my father touched me.”
“Oh my God,” I said as I got to my feet. “No,” I repeated dumbly before looking at Caleb. I did the math in my head and felt the bile rise up my throat. When Caleb had been thirteen, I’d been eighteen.
“I left for college,” I whispered and I closed my eyes.
“It started before that, Eli,” Caleb said softly. “It had nothing to do with you leaving.”
I opened my eyes to look at him and shook my head.
“It’s true,” Caleb said. “He started doing it to Nick long before he married your mom.”
“Baby, come sit back down,” Mav said gently as he held out his hand. I took it and let him settle me in next to him again, but my mind was racing. My stepfather had told me I’d been the cause of his obsession to be with another man. Except I hadn’t been a man. Not really. And I hadn’t been his first. The sick fuck had gone after his own kids.
“I’m sorry, Caleb, I didn’t know,” I said as tears flooded my eyes. “I would have tried to stop it, I swear.”
Caleb dashed at his own eyes and nodded. “I know,” he said. “He was good at keeping secrets. We all were.”
“Caleb, you said something about what happened to Nick,” Mav said.
“Um, yeah, he was going to college, but still living at home. One of his classes got canceled so he came home early. Eli’s mom was at lunch with friends. Nick…he walked in on me and my father…”
Caleb’s words trailed off and I saw Jace give his hand a little squeeze. The move seemed to settle the younger man. “Nick pulled him off of me and called him a liar and said he was going to send the proof to the media. I didn’t know what he meant, but he and my father started fighting. My father pushed Nick hard and he fell backwards and hit his head on the edge of the coffee table. He didn’t move after that,” Caleb said, his voice sounding dull and lifeless. I knew he was going someplace else in his head to escape the memories.
Just like I always had when I’d been a kid. With my customers. With my stepfather.
“My dad started flipping out. He grabbed me and told me that it was an accident. I was crying and told him that we needed to get Nick help, but he wouldn’t let me call 911. He told me that he’d go to jail if anyone found out what had happened.”
Caleb’s eyes shifted from me to Mav and then to Jace. “I know the stuff he did to me was fucked up, but he was still my dad,” Caleb whispered in earnest.
Jace nodded in understanding. “It’s okay,” he reassured Caleb.
Caleb nodded shakily and then dropped his eyes to his hands. He focused on the one Jace was holding. Jace’s thumb was rubbing over Caleb’s and as Caleb continued to talk, his own finger began to stroke the other man’s.
