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After Caleb and Jace had returned to their room, I’d waited until Eli had fallen back asleep before calling Ronan to let him know that we would be leaving the following morning. He’d told me he would let the pilot know and that he’d pick us up from the airport. The flight home had been quiet, but unlike when we’d left Seattle, I’d sat next to Eli on one of the small loveseat style seats that faced the interior of the plane rather than the front of it. Caleb and Jace had ended up on the other one and about an hour after takeoff, Caleb had fallen asleep against Jace. I hadn’t missed how often Jace touched Caleb and how he seemed to know exactly when the younger man needed it. I’d already started to feel protective of the teenager since he would have no one but Eli and Eli’s mother after Jack was held accountable for his crimes, and I couldn’t help but wonder if the bond that Caleb and Jace had formed would end up causing Caleb more harm than good. Because I knew Jace and not only was he too old for Caleb, he was also very much the love ‘em and leave ‘em type.
It wasn’t until the plane was in the process of descending that Eli finally began talking beyond providing simple yes and no answers when presented with a question.
“I’m worried about my mom,” he said softly and I suspected it was because he didn’t want to wake Caleb up. “She’s still in Germany, but I don’t know when she’s planning on flying back. And if Caleb’s right about what Jack did to Nick…”
I used my hand to massage the back of Eli’s neck as I said, “I talked to Ronan about your mom last night after you fell back asleep. He’s got someone watching her until you have a chance to talk to her. Ronan’s guy will escort her home when the time comes.”
“This is going to kill her,” Eli said sadly.
“If she’s anything like you, she’ll find the strength to deal with it.”
“She really loves him,” Eli murmured. “I guess I did too,” he added. “Even after everything he did to me, there’d be these moments where he acted like a real dad. That’s fucked up, isn’t it?”
“No,” I said. “I think we compartmentalize the people who hurt us the most so that they become two different people.”
“I wanted him to be Dom,” Eli admitted. “I wanted what Dom had with his real kids.”
“You don’t think Dom thinks of you as one of his own?”
Eli shook his head. “I know he loves me, but I think he’s only ever seen me as the kid he saved. He’s never going to forgive me for this.”
“Eli, none of this was your fault.”
“I let Jack fool me with that video, Mav. But it doesn’t change the fact that I still let him do all those things to me afterwards. I had a choice. Even if I didn’t want it, I still had a choice.”
I sighed as I realized that as much progress as Eli had made in accepting what had happened, he still had a long way to go before he forgave himself for what he perceived as his decisions – his choices. When things settled down, I’d talk to him about getting some professional help since I had no idea how to convince him that he’d never had a choice…not since the day that monster had stepped into his life. And I knew that Eli’s mother and Dom Barretti were going to be just as challenged to forgive themselves for the involuntary roles they’d played in what had happened. My hope was that they were both strong enough to put Eli’s needs above their own.
Eli fell silent and didn’t speak even once we were in Ronan’s SUV headed north towards the city. Caleb and Jace were in the last row in the SUV and while I’d had the option to sit up front in the passenger seat, I’d chosen to sit in back with Eli since his anxiety had ratcheted up when he’d overheard Ronan telling me that he suspected Jack Cortano was on his way to Seattle, if he wasn’t already here. Luckily, Caleb hadn’t heard that news.
“Breathe, baby,” I whispered as I could hear Eli struggling to draw in air.
Eli nodded as he tried to calm himself. The plan was to go to the hotel we’d been using as home base during Matty’s cancer treatments, but the more Eli began to shake next to me, the more I knew he needed all the help he could get.
“Ronan,” I called and Ronan looked in the rearview mirror at me. “We need to go get the dog.”
Ronan’s eyes shifted to Eli and then he nodded. He took the next exit that would take us to the University campus. My plan had been to get Baby later after we’d gotten settled at the hotel, but my hope was that the big dog could help ease some of Eli’s fears about Jack possibly being in the same city. There was an open spot right in front of Eli’s apartment building and as soon as he put the SUV in park, Ronan handed me Eli’s house keys.
