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“We were hoping to attend the wedding, but Cole had to work-”
“Mace,” I interjected, my voice sounding hoarse. “I’m about five seconds away from saying fuck it and getting the hell out of here, so I really need to get this out because I need some fucking help figuring some shit out.”
I looked up from my coffee and saw Mace watching me intently. He gave me a quick nod and I sucked in a breath. “Jonas and Cole…how did you know?” I managed to get out. “How did you know you would be okay with it?”
“It?” Mace asked in confusion.
“The sharing.”
“Is that what you think I’m doing?”
Irritation went through me. “Well, isn’t it?”
“I guess I’ve never really looked at it that way,” Mace said.
“You know what, forget it,” I snapped and started to stand, but Mace grabbed my wrist in a forceful hold.
“Memphis, please, sit,” Mace said. “I wasn’t trying to be flip with you.”
Several people had turned to look at us because of my outburst. I felt like a fool and sat back down. “Sorry,” I muttered.
“Can I ask you something?”
I nodded glumly. I was just so fucking tired and frustrated that I figured at this point there was little Mace could say or do to mess with my head any further.
“Are you in a relationship with two people?”
My insides jumped at his use of the word relationship, but I nodded because I was tired of lying to myself about what it was. “Two men,” I affirmed.
“And these two men, were they together before you became involved with them?”
I shook my head. “They’ve been friends for a long time though. But nothing happened between them until it was the three of us.”
“Are you worried you’re going to lose one to the other?” Mace asked.
I hesitated and then said, “I had a fiancé years ago…we’d been together for a long time. He wanted an open relationship. I didn’t want to lose him so I agreed. But he took it a step further…started bringing guys home with him. He’d fuck them in front of me. Sometimes he’d let them fuck me. He said what we had together was strong enough that I should be able to share him with others.”
“But you weren’t into it?”
I shook my head because I wasn’t willing to tell him how it had ripped me up inside to see Drake with someone else. To know that I’d sanctioned my own torment.
“So these two new guys, you’re trying to figure out if you can share this time around and not feel the same way?”
“I guess,” I muttered. “I thought if there was some trick to it, then maybe I can make it work.”
“These men, they’re really important to you?”
I nodded, though important seemed like an insufficient word to describe how I felt about Tristan and Brennan.
“What are their names?”
“Tristan and Brennan.”
“So let me ask you this, Memphis. Which one are you sharing?”
His question caught my attention and I lifted my eyes to meet his. “What?”
“Are you sharing Tristan with Brennan or the other way around?”
I opened my mouth to answer, only I didn’t have an answer. I’d started things with Brennan so, in theory, I was sharing him with Tristan. But that didn’t sound right. Because that would have made Tristan like all the guys I’d watched Drake fuck. And no fucking way was it even remotely similar. Because I cared about Tristan. When it was the three of us…
I stilled as the realization went through me.
When it was the three of us, it felt right. Even more so than when I’d been with just one of them. I’d already accepted that I was falling in love with Brennan, but what about Tristan?
My mind raced as I tried to sort out my emotions. I finally remembered Mace’s question and shook my head. “I can’t answer that.”
“Both men, are they back in Seattle right now? Together?”
I nodded. Brennan would be getting off work in a matter of hours and if all went the way I hoped, when I arrived back at the hotel tonight, they’d both be waiting for me there or better yet, they’d be asleep in my bed, their arms wrapped around each other…
“Does it bother you to think of them together while you aren’t there?”
I knew instinctively what Mace was talking about. What if I were to get back to the hotel tonight to find Brennan and Tristan in my bed making love to each other?
I waited for the sting of betrayal to hit me, but it wasn’t there. If I walked in on them together, the only thing I’d feel would be the overwhelming need to join them.
But would they want me there?
I leaned back in my chair as I realized I’d been asking the wrong question. I didn’t need to know if I could share one of them with the other because I already knew the answer to that – it wasn’t about sharing at all. Sharing meant I valued one over the other.
