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Even if his words hadn’t convinced me, his body would have. There’d been no lie behind his every touch, every kiss. The emotion in his eyes as he’d held mine had been mirrors to what he’d been feeling…what he’d made me feel. For someone as controlled as Magnus, he’d been an open book with me. There’d been no holding back, no pretending, no hesitation. He’d wanted me.
Not just my body.
Me.
A shiver ran up my spine as I remembered the way Magnus had clung to me as he’d come deep inside of me. Like he was never going to let me go.
I’d loved that feeling.
And dreaded it.
Because even before he’d pulled free of my body, I’d wanted more. I’d wanted to believe I was deserving of the way he’d kissed my neck or how he’d brushed my hair away from my face. I’d wanted to believe I was worthy of how safe and protected I’d felt in that moment.
Cherished.
I shook my head as I checked my watch. It would be at least another twenty minutes before the cab arrived. I was about to get up from the porch steps and start walking down the driveway to meet the cab so I wouldn’t risk running into Magnus, but big, fat drops of water began to hit the parched earth a second before the heavens opened up. I didn’t relish the idea of sitting soaking wet in the cab for an hour or on a five-hour flight, so I stayed put and hoped like hell that Magnus was sleeping as soundly as he’d been when I’d carefully worked myself free of the heavy arm that had been slung over my waist this morning when I’d woken up.
Not only had I bottomed for the man, I’d actually crawled into bed with him…to sleep!
My stomach clenched as I remembered how good it had felt to have Magnus’s beautiful cock pushing into my body. The burn, the fleeting pain...they’d morphed into something that had been so much more powerful than just the physical sensation of being filled. It hadn’t just felt good – I’d felt whole. For the first time in my entire fucking life, I’d felt like I was exactly where I was meant to be and that I didn’t have to hide behind a veneer of not caring about anyone or anything. The brutally intense orgasm that had followed had almost been an afterthought to all the emotions surging through me as Magnus had surrounded me with his body, his scent, his words.
The most I’d ever hoped for with Magnus when I’d first met him was really great sex. Really great didn’t even begin to cover how amazing it had been. But he’d manage to reach a part of me that I’d desperately tried to bury beneath a wall of emotionless sex, crude sexual innuendo and an untouchable attitude.
I’d heard Magnus’s disappointment as I’d started blocking him out even before he’d pulled free of my body. That’s why I hadn’t been able to look at him. That’s why I’d told him I would call the cab myself. That’s why I’d made a beeline for the shower the second he’d disappeared and turned the water on as hot as I could bear in the hopes I could scrub his touch away.
Because maybe if I couldn’t still feel it, I wouldn’t still want it.
It hadn’t worked, of course, and I’d just ended up sitting on the floor of the too small shower stall until the water had become too cold to endure. I’d called Memphis afterwards, but he hadn’t answered and hadn’t returned my call until after darkness had fallen. I could have left without clearing it with him, but something had held me back. I’d wanted to believe it was because I didn’t want to let Memphis down a second time, not after the night of the wedding when I’d walked out on my duty to protect Matty. But as good as I was at convincing others, I was shit when it came to believing my own lies.
I hadn’t left because I hadn’t had the strength to.
I’d wanted Magnus again. The lie that I was staying because it was my job hadn’t helped. The two hours I’d spent pacing my room like a caged animal hadn’t helped.
And when the call had come from Memphis just before midnight officially relieving me of my duties, I’d still stayed. I hadn’t tried to sleep. I hadn’t checked for flights home. I hadn’t done anything but sit in that small, dark hallway and stare at the spot where Magnus had covered my body with his and admitted he wanted me.
I flinched when I heard the door behind me open. Fuck, why hadn’t I just endured soaked clothes and waited for the cab by the road?
“Here,” I heard Magnus say as he settled on the step next to me and I automatically moved over to put some space between us.
