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The second he’d grabbed me in the darkness of the kitchen as I’d been rummaging through the drawers, I’d immediately thought he was Eric and the panic had nearly crippled me. It had hurt when he’d yanked my arm back behind me like he had, but the second I’d cried out in pain, he’d loosened his hold, easing the pressure on my shoulder joint. But while the pain had dissipated, my fear hadn’t, even after I’d realized he wasn’t Eric. Because I’d seen the fury in his eyes. Along with something else…
It was the same darkness I’d seen when I’d grabbed his hand as he’d tried to move the blanket off my lap just before he’d helped me into the shower. Just like that day, I’d sensed the danger I was in. He’d had control of himself, but I’d instinctively known there was something just beneath the surface. Like someone had lit a match and was holding it just millimeters above a geyser of gas…all it would take was for one of those droplets to push just a little higher than the rest and it would be over.
I’d seen similar reactions in some of the trauma victims I’d treated, especially when they came into the ER unconscious only to wake up surrounded by strange hands and voices. They often lashed out in defense before myself or another staff member could convince them they were no longer in danger.
It was that revelation and the fact that Cain hadn’t hurt me despite his obvious anger that had made it possible for me to relax in his grip and get myself under control. Lucy’s presence had almost set him off again, but I’d grudgingly respected his ability to maintain that iron grip he had on himself. But he’d also been short on patience and I’d had no doubt that for whatever reason, he really had believed there was a possibility Lucy had some kind of weapon and that she’d give it to me if we’d been given the chance to come into contact with one another beyond holding hands. Sending her back to her room had been one of the hardest things I’d had to do, but her safety had been my main concern so I’d done it. And luckily, she hadn’t argued with me, though she rarely did.
Because she trusted me implicitly.
It was one of the many reasons she also hadn’t put up much of an argument when I’d told her we couldn’t trust Cain, which meant we couldn’t share anything about ourselves with him. I’d seen the disappointment in her eyes and I’d understood it completely because, despite what I’d told Cain about hope, I’d felt it resurface for the briefest of moments when he’d held me in that shower.
Lucy had also agreed to my plan for the night before. When I’d told her we needed to leave while Cain was asleep, she’d informed me that Cain had taken the keys to the SUV at some point and she wasn’t sure what he’d done with them. I’d had to hope he hadn’t had them on his person when I’d started my search for them while Lucy had waited in her room for me to come and get her, but I hadn’t had a chance to find out since he’d grabbed me right after I’d started checking the kitchen drawers for them. It had been a fool’s errand to think I could be stealthy enough to get past a man like him, but desperate times…
Despite Cain’s rough handling after he’d accused me of trying to find a weapon to use against him, I hadn’t truly been afraid of him when he’d told me to sit at the table. That was one of the main reasons I’d been able to keep from telling him what he wanted to know.
Early on in my relationship with Eric, I’d been a terrible liar and on the few occasions I’d tried to lie about something to protect myself from his punishments, he’d seen through me easily. Even when I’d started telling him the truth, it hadn’t mattered because he’d already made up his mind at that point if he was going to believe me or not and he usually didn’t. While I’d gotten more skilled at lying about things, near the end, it hadn’t mattered what I’d said to Eric…he’d made up his mind about hurting me long before the first blow fell.
If Cain had threatened me with violence, I would have caved. I simply didn’t have the strength to stand up to him…not the physical strength and most definitely not the mental strength. Hell, all he would have had to do was make one subtle comment about Lucy and I would have sung like a bird.
But the fact that he hadn’t offered up any kind of threat had emboldened me and I’d clung to my secrets. It had been a liberating feeling and I supposed that was what had bolstered me enough to dare to ask him why he thought Lucy and I posed him any kind of threat.
