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“Even after all that time?” I asked in astonishment.
He nodded. “The judge granted the guy visitation while we got ready to go to court. Amani was so confused and upset when I told her she had to spend the day with this complete stranger,” Phoenix murmured. More tears began to flow unchecked down his face.
“He picked her up on a Saturday morning. He was planning to take her to the zoo. He…he wasn’t a bad guy so I let her go and promised I’d see her soon. I told her how much I loved her…”
He began crying in earnest and I turned even more so I could wrap my arms around him. His arms went around me and he began sobbing, his hot tears sliding down my neck. When he settled, he clung to me for a moment before pulling back and wiping at his face. “The police showed up at my door a few hours later and told me what happened. Witnesses at the zoo said Amani had been crying outside one of the exhibits and nothing the guy did could calm her down.” Phoenix’s voice cracked as he said, “She was asking for me.”
I couldn’t stem my own tears and had to use my sleeve to wipe them away so I could focus on the man before me.
“People said the guy got more and more agitated as more people stopped to try to help with the situation. He started yelling at them to leave him alone. When a security guard tried to intervene, the man hit him. He grabbed Amani to leave, but she fought him and told him she wanted her daddy. When a Good Samaritan went to stop him, he released Amani so suddenly that she fell, and as she went down, she hit her head on a cement pillar.”
Phoenix sucked in a deep breath as he tried to calm himself down. His fingers were wrapped around my own in a brutal hold, but I didn’t care in the least.
“The guy left her there…just fucking left her there. The cops took me to the hospital where the doctors told me Amani had suffered a head injury. We had to wait for a few days for the swelling in her brain to go down. She finally opened her eyes about a week later. I was so fucking relieved,” Phoenix said. “I thought everything was going to be okay. I…I didn’t understand what the doctors were telling me at first because it didn’t make sense. I mean, her eyes were open. She was able to move a little. But the doctors told me that she wasn’t really awake…not in a meaningful way. And that her movements were nothing more than reflexes.”
“What…what was wrong with her?” I asked, my heart in my throat.
“They said she was in a vegetative state and that the longer she was in it, the more likely it would be permanent.”
I shook my head. “No,” I whispered.
“I knew they were wrong. My girl was strong…she’d come out of it and we’d go home and everything would be okay.” Phoenix’s eyes connected with mine. “It’s been a little over a year,” he said hoarsely. “I…I go to see her and she…she keeps growing up. Sometimes she’ll open her eyes and she’ll look right at me and I’ll be so sure she’s going to smile at me and say, ‘Daddy, I’m back, did you miss me?’”
I couldn’t bear to hear anymore and pushed myself into his arms. “I’m so fucking sorry,” I whispered. I felt another sob catch in his throat and then he just held me. I pressed kisses against his temple, cheek and any other parts of him I could reach as I waited for the trembling in his body to ease. When he finally settled, I pulled back and wiped at his tears while he did the same for me. Several minutes passed before I found the strength to ask, “What happened to the guy?” I couldn’t call the man Amani’s father because I was looking at Amani’s father.
“Cops went to his place to arrest him and found him dead. He’d shot himself. It turned out he’d been honorably discharged from the military because he was suffering from severe PTSD. The police think the altercation with the security guard set off an episode and that the guy hadn’t really realized what he was doing. He left a note saying he was sorry…nothing more.” Phoenix took a deep breath. “I moved Amani out here a year ago when a friend from my former unit heard about what had happened and helped set me up with a job. Amani needs round-the-clock care so she has to be in a special long-term care facility, but…I just couldn’t bring myself not to set up her room, you know?”
I nodded. “I do,” I said gently. As painful as hoping his daughter might someday recover had to be for Phoenix, the alternative had to be even worse.
