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“No,” he said softly, finally answering my question, though it took me a moment to even remember what it was. I didn’t dwell on the impact of the admission, because then his mouth was covering mine. I knew I should stop the kiss, but I didn’t even try. Knowing and doing were two so very different things. And wanting was a whole other animal.
Because I wanted Vincent more than I’d ever wanted anything else in my life. I didn’t understand it and knew it wasn’t right, considering I was so fucked up in the head right now that every interaction I had with this man was just making things worse, but I didn’t care.
I wanted.
That was all it came down to as his mouth danced with mine.
I opened in invitation for him, but he only let his tongue graze mine before he pulled away. Then he was stepping back. “Last night was a mistake,” he muttered. “We both know that.”
Yeah, there was that damn knowing thing again.
But I nodded anyway. Because at some point I would need to let reason return, and my brain would need to start making the decisions again.
“I can’t do this if you don’t trust me,” I admitted. “I can’t be someone you hate just because of my career.”
“I don’t hate you.”
I barely kept from laughing at that. Yeah, he wanted me, but that didn’t mean he liked me.
“If you want to know something about me, you ask me. Contrary to what you think, I don’t want to die,” I said.
“And you need to remember that everything I do has a reason behind it…last night notwithstanding,” he retorted. “My ability to protect you depends on understanding you.”
This time I did laugh. “God, this is never going to fucking work.”
Chapter 12
Vincent
I couldn’t exactly disagree with him. After all, nothing about this case was turning out the way it should have. Starting with the fact that I’d not only followed Nathan, I’d fucking talked to him.
Not just talked. Talked.
I’d told him things I’d never told another living soul and that shouldn’t have mattered, since my past had absolutely nothing to do with my ability to protect him. But as soon as I’d muttered those words in the office, I’d known that I was going to lose him.
I needed to see if you were going to tell me the truth…
I’d had the chance to clarify things as soon as I’d admitted the underlying issue between us was about trust, but instead, I’d poked the bear and made the crass comment about his assistant hoping he was feeling better. I’d done it for one reason and one reason only.
Because I’d needed to get us back to where we’d been before last night had happened. I needed him to just be another job…another subject.
I’d failed miserably.
Just like I’d failed when I’d told myself I didn’t give a shit if he left. With every vibration I’d felt as my watch had tracked his movements, I’d felt like the asshole he’d accused me of being from the moment we’d met. When my watch had stopped vibrating, I’d switched to watching him on the security monitors, and I’d told myself to let him go…that he wasn’t my problem. But the second he’d been out of view of the cameras and the tracking signal had come to a stop, I’d been moving.
And not just because I owed Dominic Barretti.
It would have been simple enough just to get in my car and go get him, but I’d known the damage I’d done wouldn’t be undone so easily. I’d known I’d have to give him something, and it would come at a heavy price. Especially since I’d stopped apologizing to people a long time ago. And no, I hadn’t actually apologized to him, but telling him about my past was an apology of sorts.
Because that was shit I never told anyone. Everett was the only one who knew about that part of my life and that wasn’t even because I’d told him about it.
“We should go,” I said as I moved farther away from him so I didn’t risk taking another taste of his mouth. I had no doubt he’d give me that taste, either.
Nathan straightened, and then he was climbing to his feet. I almost dreaded the fact that he’d have to be pressed up against my back on the ride back to the house.
Almost.
But deep down, it was one of the reasons I’d grabbed the bike instead of the car. Yes, I’d decided to tell him about David, but I could have done that without the benefit of the motorcycle or the trip to David’s and my special spot.
Like when we’d left the house, Nathan initially tried to hold himself back from me, but it didn’t last, and by the time I rolled the bike through the first gate, he was once again plastered to my back, his strong arms wrapped around my waist.
