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Several long seconds passed before I could make my body move. I stepped around the broken glass at my feet and hurried to the kitchen to find something to clean the mess up with.
I began searching the cabinets and drawers when Gage said, “Under the sink.”
“Right,” I muttered. It should have been the first place I looked. But my damn brain was too muddled to make sense of anything. My hands shook as I searched out the dustpan. I found what I needed and turned to return to the other room, but Gage stepped in my path. I forced myself not to move as he closed the distance between us.
He didn’t say anything at first, but he did cover my empty hand with his. I knew he could feel how shaken I was.
“Are you okay with what just happened?” Gage asked.
“How can I be?” I whispered. “I don’t know what the hell just happened.”
“Yeah,” Gage said with a sigh. He began rubbing my hand between his. It took me a moment to realize why. Despite everything that had just happened, my hands were cold.
“What did he mean?” I asked. “He asked you how he was supposed to go after what he wanted if it didn’t make any sense.”
“The day he and I fought, I told him that if he wanted you, he should go after you. After what just happened, I’m guessing it isn’t just you he wants.”
“I know the feeling,” I groused, then cursed myself for the admission.
Gage gave my hand a gentle shake until I looked up at him. “Me too,” he said quietly.
I shook my head. “He’s right, it doesn’t make any sense.”
“I’ve seen it before,” Gage said. “Three men in a relationship.”
“Yeah, I’ve watched porn too.”
Fuck, why the hell couldn’t I keep my mouth shut?
Gage smiled and then said, “That isn’t exactly what I meant. A guy who works for Ronan is in a committed relationship with two other men. Nathan’s own brother is, too. Did you know that?”
I shook my head. “No,” I murmured. “It doesn’t seem possible.” I shook my head. “Doesn’t matter. I’m… I’m not in a place in my life where I can do something like that… with anyone,” I said awkwardly. “And even if I were, it couldn’t be with you.”
Gage’s hands stilled on mine, then he was pulling back. I realized how my words had sounded and grabbed onto him. “No, Gage,” I said as I pulled him closer to me. I couldn’t resist reaching up just a bit so I could brush my mouth over his, though that was the last thing I should have been doing. “I didn’t mean it that way.”
Gage let out a breath and then pressed his forehead against mine. His arms went around my waist. I wanted to sink into him, but I couldn’t. I allowed myself a few more seconds of basking in his warmth, then stepped back, forcing him to release me.
“It can’t be with you because I can’t risk losing Reese forever. He may hate me, but I keep holding out hope that maybe someday…” I couldn’t say the words because that damn inner voice was telling me it wasn’t going to happen. “He resents me for a lot of things, but taking Pierce from him… you heard what he said in there,” I murmured.
“About Ronan?” Gage asked.
I nodded.
“Do you think he had feelings for Pierce?”
“No,” I said with a shake of my head. “Reese isn’t gay. No, it’s because of what Pierce represented, I think. Reese told me once that when he was deployed that Pierce, who was his commanding officer, told him that even though he was the president’s kid, not to expect special treatment. It was exactly what Reese needed to hear. I think Pierce became a father, a brother, and a friend, all rolled up in one. I think when he saw Pierce and me together, he saw it as Pierce choosing me over him. And, of course, he saw me as a liar and a cheater…” I sighed and said, “He looks up to Ronan… to you. If he found out you and I…”
“Yeah,” Gage said softly. He didn’t say anything else, but he did take the dustpan from me. I followed him to the living room and watched him quickly sweep up the broken glass. He left the dustpan on the ground and turned to face me. “It shouldn’t stop you from pursuing something with Nash. He’s a good man, Everett.”
“I know he is. But I just can’t.”
I hoped like hell he wouldn’t press me on the issue, because even now I wanted nothing more than to push into his arms again, then go find Nash.
“I guess I should go,” Gage said, his voice downtrodden. “Good night, Everett.”
I could feel tears stinging the backs of my eyes. I’d accused him of saying goodbye to me after his fight with Nash, but now I knew that was exactly what he was doing. He wasn’t going anywhere, but he might as well have been.
