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The bed I was about to let a man take me in for the first time in more years than I wanted to think about.
“Downstairs… it was all just joking. We both know that,” he offered.
“No, I know. I… I do want this. I need to know if this is something that can be a part of our relationship or not. And I know you’ll stop if I need you to.”
“Always,” Gage said softly. “Nash, when you were a kid—”
I knew what he was going to ask me, so I answered him before he was forced to finish the question. “No one ever touched me like that when I was little. A couple of guys looked at me weird and one guy used to sneak into my room at night and touch himself while he watched me sleep, but I figured out how to get myself out of those places. All I had to do was start acting out and I’d get kicked out. With Chris, I only ever bottomed. I can’t say it was perfect, but I didn’t hate it. When I started… started selling myself, I only let guys fuck me if I thought they were ones I could get away from if they started to get too rough or tried to pull a weapon on me or something.”
Gage’s face fell, and I cursed myself for the TMI.
“Fuck, sorry,” I muttered.
Why couldn’t I get a handle on all of this? I felt so off-balance with what was happening between the three of us, but it usually came at the weirdest times. Like once Gage and Everett were asleep – that’s when I’d start to obsess over the things I’d said and done with them, whether it was while we were alone or in the presence of others. When I was doing things like laughing or joking with them, or participating in the little displays of affection that were becoming commonplace between us, I felt like I was on top of the world. But as soon as it was just me and my fucked-up head, I’d start to wonder when one or both of them would wake up and realize what a goddamn mess I was.
And finally leave.
“Don’t ever be sorry for telling me what things were like for you… or how you’re feeling. As hard as it is to hear sometimes, it just reminds me why I’m falling so hard and so fast for you.”
“What?” I practically barked, certain I’d misheard him.
But he didn’t answer me. Instead, he kissed me, then led me into the bedroom.
“Nuh-uh, you stay out here,” Gage said as he bent down to grab Happy’s collar and steer her back outside the room. “He’s all mine tonight.”
I was still reeling from the quasi-admission I still wasn’t sure I’d understood correctly, but I smiled at the unhappy look on Happy’s face as she plopped down in front of the door. I knew Gage would let her into the room later when he had to return to the main house. As much as it would have been better to wake up with Gage in bed with me and Everett, having the big dog there ran a close second.
Gage closed the door and a second later there was a soft thud against it as Happy laid down.
“Traitorous dog,” Gage mumbled, then he was pulling me into his arms. “Not that I can really blame her for her fascination,” he added. His mouth closed over mine and I immediately opened for him. His tongue stroked teasingly over mine. I moaned and wrapped my arms around him, trying to get closer. But Gage pulled back and then slid his fingers through mine. He led me farther in the room and my eyes immediately fell on Everett. He was sitting in the armchair, as I’d suspected. His shirt was open, but still on him, as were his pants. He looked so elegant and refined that I had to fight the urge to once again ask myself what it was that he saw in me.
What either of them saw in me.
Gage led me around to the side of the bed that was closer to Everett.
Everett had turned on one of the small lamps by the bed, presumably so he could see us better, but the area he was sitting in was dark. Gage solved the problem by releasing my hand and going to where Everett was sitting and turning on the floor lamp that was just behind the chair. He leaned down to kiss Everett. “We want you with us… always. Don’t forget that, okay?”
Everett nodded and kissed him. “Never,” he acknowledged.
It was comforting to know we’d finally gotten him to understand that we saw him as perfect just the way he was. And not just when it came to his body, either.
