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Caleb reached for the package. He had his back to me, but I didn’t miss his next words.
“Sno Balls,” he whispered.
I’d bought the treats to put a smile on his face, but instead, he began sobbing.
And I knew this time it wasn’t about his father and the terrible events of the morning.
“Why?” Caleb cried between sobs. He turned to face me, the package of Sno Balls clenched between his fingers.
But I didn’t have an answer for him.
I was completely clueless to understand why I had to keep him at arm’s length, but I couldn’t let him go, either. All I knew was that I was a piece of shit for doing this to him again. I’d done it when I’d first gotten him out of the hospital and again at Christmas later that year. I’d been a selfish asshole who’d wanted to relish how good being around him made me feel, even though I’d known I wouldn’t be sticking around. And I’d done it again the previous week when I’d all but forced him to come with me after the attack at the cabin.
He would have been safe with Mav and Memphis and his extended family back home, but I’d selfishly wanted the old Caleb back. I’d wanted to be the one who made him feel safe and warm and protected. I’d wanted to benefit from his kind heart and guileless laugh. I’d wanted to have a little bit of that rightness back in my life that I’d only ever felt around him.
When I didn’t answer him, he shook his head. “I can’t do this,” he managed to get out. “It hurts worse.”
His words sliced me open. The fact that my actions could hurt him even more deeply than all the shit he was going through was threatening to make me violently ill.
“I need to go home,” he said, his voice an odd mix of hurt and resolve.
I needed to agree with him. I needed to do what was best for him and let him go. I needed to find the words to tell him I was sorry for not being able to keep my promise and make things better for him. But the reality that I would likely never see him again was strangling me.
There were a lot of things I needed to do, but I didn’t do any of them. I didn’t say the right thing and I didn’t tell him it was okay and that I was sorry. No, what came out of my mouth as I strode toward him was a sign of my complete and utter desperation… and my cruelty.
“I need to cash in my chips.” The words sounded strangled and I wondered if I’d even said them out loud. I knew I must have when Caleb’s eyes went wide. He backed up several steps until his back hit the wall next to the steps leading above deck.
I didn’t stop until I had him crowded up against the unforgiving wood. I clasped his face with my hands. I searched his eyes for fear, but there was none.
Only a hint of confusion and…
Trust.
That goddamn unflappable trust.
“Please, Caleb, tell me it’s okay.”
His skin felt wonderfully warm beneath my hands. His hands had come up to grab my wrists, but he wasn’t trying to push me away. His lips parted deliciously, but he didn’t speak.
He didn’t need to.
The fervent nod he gave me was answer enough.
Chapter 12
Caleb
I was expecting his kiss to be rough and overwhelming.
It was definitely overwhelming,
But there wasn’t anything rough about it.
I had no clue if he somehow knew it was my first kiss or not, but I didn’t really care when his mouth settled on mine. At first, his lips seemed to just be teasing mine as he brushed his mouth over mine with little to almost no pressure at all. The effect was no less devastating, though. Excitement shot to my very bones and I had to lock my knees to keep from collapsing to the floor.
Over and over, he kissed me. Sometimes it was just my upper lip that got the attention, sometimes it was the lower, sometimes it was both. But each contact had my need spiraling higher. When I opened my mouth to tell him so, he took advantage and eased his tongue into it. He swallowed my gasp of surprise and then he started all over again with the teasing, playful contact that was so very much and still not enough. His hands slid from my face, down my neck and eventually ended up around my waist. As our tongues met and I tried to figure out how to kiss him back, he drew me forward and I had no choice but to wrap my arms around his neck. When I finally got the nerve to slide my tongue against his, I heard him let out a deep groan.
