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“Tell me what to do,” I said. I hated that I had to ask him the question, but the reality was that I didn’t know what came next. My own initiation into anal sex hadn’t been gentle and there was no way I wanted to hurt him the way I’d been hurt. I understood things in theory, but I needed him to guide me.
“You need to prep me,” he said. “There’s a condom and lube in my wallet.”
I climbed off him and searched out his wallet, then found what I needed.
I put the condom on the bed and then began fumbling with the packet of lube. My nerves got the better of me. “Fuck,” I muttered as I felt my cheeks heat.
Jace sat up and leaned against my side. “Breathe, baby. It’s going to be perfect.”
I sighed. “I’m supposed to be the one telling you that,” I groused. He took the lube from me and opened it.
“I don’t need to hear the words to know it,” he responded. He handed me the lube, then reached for the condom. As he opened the package, he said, “One finger at first, then two.”
My response got caught in my throat as Jace’s fingers wrapped around my dick so he could roll the condom down my length. When he was done, I managed to ask, “Um, like this or, um, from behind?”
He kissed my shoulder. “Do you want to know what I was envisioning when I first told you this was what I wanted?”
I loved how relaxed he sounded. It eased some of my own fears.
I nodded in response to his question.
“I want both. I want to feel your weight on my back as you’re moving inside of me. But when you come, I want to see you.”
I practically swallowed my tongue at that. He’d really given this some thought.
“Okay,” I said, my voice hoarse.
He smiled and turned over. His back was just as beautiful as his front and I couldn’t help but run my fingers down the length of his spine. But it was his ass that I couldn’t take my eyes off of. I slid my palm over his warm, smooth skin, then trailed my finger down the crease. On the one hand, what I was about to do seemed so forbidden, but on the other, I needed it as badly as he did. My dick was hurting like a son of a bitch, but I ignored my own lust and shifted so I was straddling his lower legs. I used my hands to split him open and took in the sight of his fluttering hole.
Oh God, there was no way I was going to fit without hurting him.
I blanched as the memories of the many times I’d been hurt in this very way went through me.
“Caleb,” I heard Jace call and I looked up at him.
“It’s not the same,” he murmured. “Remember that.”
His ability to read me was just uncanny. I nodded because he was right. What we were doing was nothing like what I’d known in my previous life. I needed to stop comparing the two acts. Everything Jace and I did was about showing one another love. What had been done to me before had been about power and cruelty. It had no place in this room with us.
I sighed and cast out the memories, then focused on Jace’s perfect body. I tentatively touched his entrance with the pad of my finger. I rubbed him gently and used the sounds he was making to gauge if he liked what I was doing.
No doubt that he most definitely did.
I was about to reach for the lube when I remembered what he’d done to me the previous day.
Did I dare?
Did I even want to?
The sight of Jace’s opening flexing just a little under my perusal answered that question for me.
With a big fat yes.
Before I could overthink it, I leaned down and pressed a kiss to Jace’s entrance.
“Jesus fucking Christ!” he shouted.
His bellow startled me, but before I could even issue an apology he said, “Oh God, please do that again.”
So I did.
And smiled when he reacted accordingly. His incoherent pleas emboldened me and I began licking him. His musky flavor was strange, but I found it weirdly addicting. Not to mention the way his hole would relax under my tongue, then contract as soon as I removed my mouth. Jace’s whole body was shaking and he had his face buried in a pillow. As much as I was enjoying what I was doing, my own lust had spiked exponentially, so I searched out the lube and got some on my finger. My nerves came back as I pushed against his opening. He let out a groan when my digit breached him.
He was so hot and tight, I was sure I’d die right there on the spot. I instinctively went slowly, giving his body time to adjust to my finger. I worked the lube in and out of him. Before I added the second finger, I said, “Jace?”
