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A suite with either two bedrooms or a living room.
A crib.
And someone to pick up some diapers and formula and bring them to the room.
We’d gotten all those things within twenty minutes of the bellman showing us to the room. Willa had woken up by the time we’d gotten to the room, so I’d spent a few minutes changing her diaper – a task I’d probably mangled since I’d never done it before – and feeding her again, since she’d seemed fussy. Jace had disappeared into the bedroom and I’d left him alone, because there’d been no doubt in my mind that he’d needed a few minutes to try and understand what the hell had happened.
He’d clearly been in shock from the moment Silver had confirmed Maggie was dead.
And there’d been nothing I could do for him.
It had been hard for him to look at the baby and know that his sister had died protecting the infant. I couldn’t blame him for the very thing Silver had brought to light – that he held some level of resentment toward the baby for being the reason his sister was dead. If Willa had been aborted or even sold, Maggie would still be alive. I knew the fact that Jace was even thinking those thoughts probably made him hurt almost nearly as badly as the fact that he’d lost his sister.
But I also knew him well enough to know that once he got past the shock, he’d fall in love with the baby as surely as I already had.
I’d never held a baby before, but from the moment Silver had handed her to me, I’d felt a sense of rightness go through me. I’d never known that feeling before, except maybe when Jace held me. The way Willa looked up at me with such trust…
Was that what Jace had felt when I’d given my trust so freely to him?
It wasn’t exactly the same thing, but maybe some of those emotions were the same.
When Willa had fallen asleep, I’d put her in the crib. I’d used Jace’s phone to search the internet for what position she was supposed to sleep in, and then I’d tried to figure out what kind of feeding schedule she was supposed to be on and how much she was supposed to eat and when. From what Silver had told us, the baby had to be around seven weeks old, so I’d used that as a guide for determining what I needed to give her and when. Once I’d made sure the little girl was out, I’d gone to the bedroom and had found Jace lying on the bed. He hadn’t spoken to me as I’d gotten into bed with him. Since he’d been facing the wall, I’d had no choice but to wrap my arm around him from behind. I’d been able to tell he hadn’t been sleeping, but I hadn’t pressed him to talk because I’d known it was just too soon.
I’d spent the rest of the afternoon feeding, changing and playing with Willa. Jace had ordered us some room service, but neither of us had eaten.
He’d also completely ignored the baby.
I had to hope he’d come around sooner rather than later, because I was clueless as to what to do next.
The fact that he was now standing over her crib, watching her sleep, could be both a good thing or a bad thing.
I had the answer to my question when I moved around him so I could see his face.
It was both.
Because tears were streaming down his face.
Reality had finally set in and while it was terrible to see his world implode around him, I knew it was the only way for him to eventually find his way back to the surface.
“I really thought I’d find her,” he said softly.
“I know,” I acknowledged.
“I promised I’d always look out for her.”
I pressed against Jace’s side and settled my hand on his chest as I looked at a still-sleeping Willa. “Come back to bed, Jace,” I murmured. I slid my hand into his and pulled him behind me. He meekly followed.
I let him lie down first, and not surprisingly, he turned so his back was away from me. But instead of just holding him, I braced my head on my arm and used my free hand to move his hair off his face. I didn’t speak, because there were no words I could say that would take the pain away.
He lay frozen like that for several long beats, then a harsh sob tore from his throat and he covered his eyes with his hand.
“Oh God, Maggie, I’m so sorry.”
I wrapped my arm around him and held him as tight as I could as I dropped my mouth to his ear. Every time he tried to stifle his sobs, I told him it was okay to let go.
