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Silence descended between us until the only sounds in the room were of Willa eagerly sucking on her bottle. When she finished, Eli handed the bottle to me, then put her against his shoulder and burped her. I was about to offer to take her to put her in the crib, but something in Eli’s gaze stopped me.
I’d seen him in the hours after the acquittal and he’d been an absolute mess. And physically, he still looked completely worn out. But the way he was smiling down at the baby made me think that he needed this moment of peace.
Just like I’d needed the peace I’d known I would only find in Jace’s arms.
“I’m sorry, Eli,” I said. “I shouldn’t have just left like that.”
Willa had grabbed onto Eli’s finger, so he let her hold it as her eyes drifted shut. His eyes shifted to me. “Why did you?” he asked.
I dropped my eyes and shook my head. “Desperation, I guess,” I said softly.
“To get away from us?” he asked.
“What?” I said in surprise, lifting my gaze. “No… no, not at all. I just…” I snapped my mouth shut and turned to look out the window. I stared at the view of the water for a minute before I said, “Someone played me a recording of your testimony. I could hear it in your voice.”
I chanced a glance at Eli. He was the one staring out the window now.
“It was like it was happening all over again, wasn’t it?” I asked.
Eli nodded and I saw a tear slip from his eye. He used his shoulder to brush it away. “I thought I’d prepared myself for anything, but between the questions and Jack staring at me the whole time, I was right back there, you know?”
I nodded and dropped my eyes. “It was still just me up until that moment that I heard you talking about it on that tape,” I admitted. “I’d never let myself think about what it was like for you. That’s why I never wanted to talk to you about it. It made it all more real. Does that make sense?”
“It does,” Eli acknowledged. “But if I’ve learned anything, it’s that not talking about it won’t make it go away. It’ll just destroy you from the inside out.”
I managed a nod. “Did Mav tell you? About what I’ve been doing to deal with it?”
“Yes,” Eli said softly. “I’m so sorry, Caleb. If I’d known…”
“If you’d known, I would have run even sooner,” I admitted. “It was the only thing making it possible for me to put one foot in front of the other every day.” I began toying with my fingers so that I wouldn’t be tempted to reach for my arm to make sure the scars were still there. “I have some things I want to tell you, Eli, but I don’t know if I’m ready yet.”
“Caleb…”
He waited until I looked up at him to say, “I’m not going anywhere.”
I felt tears threatening, but I managed to stem them. “Promise?” I whispered.
Eli’s hand covered one of mine. “Promise.”
I wasn’t sure what to say next, but Eli took care of that by saying, “So tell me about Jace.”
I couldn’t stop the smile that spread across my mouth at just the mention of the man’s name.
Eli chuckled. “So that’s how it is, huh? Mav owes me fifty bucks.”
“For what?” I asked with a laugh.
“We had a bet going on how long it would take before Jace got his head out of his ass and realized you were it for him. I said it would be by the next time we saw you. Mav thought Jace was going to run again and he’d have to hunt him down and drag him back here and knock some sense into him.”
“Really?” I asked as more tears threatened. Would Mav really have gone that far… for me? “You don’t think I’m too young for him? For anyone?” I asked.
Eli shook his head before I even finished the question. “You’re not a kid, Caleb. I wish to hell you were a regular nineteen-year-old whose only concern was getting his ass out of bed every morning to make it to class on time and deciding which frat party to go to on Friday night. I wish you’d had the chance to experience your first kiss, your first time falling in love, fumbling through sex for the first time. But those things were taken from you. You’ve had to deal with things no adult should ever have to, let alone a little kid. I have no doubt you were always meant to be with Jace, but I would have given anything to have you guys find each other in some benign way like bumping into each other at a coffee shop.” Eli eyed me for a moment and added, “Or in your case, in the snack food section of the local grocery store.”
