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“I fucked up,” he finally murmured.
I ignored the sense of panic I felt at the despair in his voice.
“No,” I began, but he cut me off with a nod of his head where it was still resting on my shoulder.
“She’s an innocent. But I… I brought her into our world.”
I’d guessed as much about Daisy and I knew what he was talking about. The things Cash and I did to one another, the role sex played in our relationship, it wasn’t normal and never would be. But it worked for us. We didn’t question it, we didn’t regret it, it was just the way it was. Even the fact that we sometimes brought strangers into the relationship just to play with would have had even the most liberal of people looking at us with uncertainty.
Like we were deviants.
Maybe we were.
But Cash’s need to control me and my need to let him had roots that went so much deeper than sex that it was doubtful that even we truly understood it. One thing was clear, though. Cash and I were survivors – we’d had to be. And surviving meant doing whatever it took to hang onto that shred of sanity that was so frayed, it wouldn’t take much to snap it. Add in the fact that we saw what the dregs of humanity did to one another day after day, that we had to face the very things we’d barely made it through ourselves, and we were more than okay with using our bodies to vent the shit that rattled around in our heads.
“She’s okay, Cash. She’s strong,” I murmured, though I wasn’t one hundred percent sure about my own words. Daisy had always been a powerhouse when it came to her work. Even when the pressure was completely on her to give us that one piece of information we needed to save a life, she was a machine. But all the times I’d flirted with her, she’d seemed both intrigued and reluctant. She’d call me on my bullshit, but every once in a while when I said something that hit close to home for her, she went all quiet for a moment before she jokingly told me I was a hopeless flirt and to go bother someone else.
“I’m supposed to be stronger,” he said softly. “I’m supposed to know how far to push.”
“I saw her, Cash. She wanted what happened.” I forced him to lift his head by giving him a gentle tug on his hair. Once he was looking at me I said, “You’re good, babe, but not even you could have made her do what she did if she hadn’t wanted it.”
He smiled slightly, then drew me forward and wrapped his arms around me. I felt his head rest on the top of mine. “I’m sorry, Sage. I didn’t mean to ruin things for you with her.”
“Cash, I—”
“I know what we have is enough for you, baby,” he interjected. “But she’s important to you, even if it’s just a friends thing.”
I closed my eyes because I could tell from the tone of his voice that he knew my feelings for Daisy ran deeper than friendship. Pain exploded in my belly and I felt tears stinging the backs of my eyes.
I didn’t deserve this man.
“Cash,” I whispered as I tightened my hold on him.
“Tell me what you need, Sage.”
I felt a tear slip unbidden down my face as our roles went back to the way that I needed them to be. I was such a selfish son of a bitch.
“Need to please you,” I said brokenly.
“You please me just by breathing, baby,” Cash murmured right before his lips ghosted over my temple. Before I could say anything, he moved his mouth to my ear and said, “Get in the shower. Face the wall and put your hands behind your back.”
Relief washed over me in a tidal wave of sensation. It was like its very own orgasm. I hated it, but I loved it too.
So I didn’t hesitate to do what Cash said.
The water was warm on my body, even as the tile was cold against my chest. I didn’t dare look over my shoulder at Cash to see what he was doing, since he hadn’t given me permission to do so. The anticipation had my nerves kicking up, and when I felt Cash step in the shower behind me and press his lubed dick against my ass, I knew what I was in for.
And I was so very ready.
“What’s the rule?” Cash asked as his dick bumped up against my hole.
“No coming,” I answered.
Cash’s teeth scraped over my shoulder as he whispered, “Are you going to be a good boy for me, Sage?”
“Yes, Sir.”
My dick jumped against my abdomen in anticipation of what was to come, but it was my mind that was seeking relief more than anything else.
