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“Aleks, I’m not—” I began as I got up to follow him.
“Then don’t say that I’m okay… that I’m perfect or normal or whatever.”
He actually seemed angry. He crossed his arms as he stood in front of the window and stared at the ocean, which was just a few dozen yards from the back of the house.
“I wasn’t going to say that,” I said. “But you’re not broken, Aleks. I’ve never met anyone more unbroken.”
He shook his head and hardened his jaw. As much as I hated seeing him upset, it was also weirdly comforting.
“Aleks, look at what you’re doing,” I said softly.
He looked at me, his mouth pulled into a mutinous frown. “What?” he asked. “What am I doing?”
“You’re arguing with me. You’re letting me know you’re angry with me.”
“I’m not angry—” he began but fell silent when he looked down and saw his own folded arms. He dropped them and flexed his hands like he was trying to figure out what to do with them.
“Two days ago, you wouldn’t speak to me unless I spoke first. You wouldn’t ask questions, you called me sir…”
“I called King sir,” he admitted.
“Since you left this morning, have you spoken to my brother and friends without being given permission to do so first?”
“No,” he began automatically, then snapped his mouth shut. Then he nodded. “Yes, but…”
“But what?”
“I trust you. I know I can say things to you and you won’t punish me. I don’t… I don’t trust your brother or your friends like I trust you.”
“Did you think about what Luca would do to you when you broke the window?”
He nodded.
“Did you care?” I asked.
He hesitated, then shook his head.
“Two days ago, you couldn’t choose what you wanted to eat from a menu… you didn’t want to choose. But everything you’ve done since then has been your choice, Aleks. That’s not a sign of someone who’s broken.”
“But I’m so scared,” he admitted.
“You’re not alone in that. I’m scared shitless.” He seemed confused, so I moved closer to him and stroked my fingers down his temple, more to touch him than anything else. “Do you know how many people never have to deal with even an ounce of what you’ve had to since you were a little boy?”
“But I let those men hurt me. I didn’t try to stop them. I never said no, I never fought back. I never even tried to run,” he whispered.
“You did fight, Aleks… in the only way you could… by surviving. Those men tried to break you. They probably think they succeeded. But look where you are. Not only did you get out and start living your life, you’re about to go back into that world to bring some of those same men down. If that isn’t a big ‘fuck you,’ I don’t know what is.”
He dropped his eyes and crossed his arms again. But he wasn’t angry, just lost in thought. “Fuck them,” he suddenly said so quietly, I almost didn’t hear him. The swear word sounded so strange coming from him, but I couldn’t help but smile when he nodded his head just a little after saying it.
Like he was just now realizing it was his choice, his right to say the word.
“Fuck them,” he repeated, a little more loudly this time. His eyes lifted to meet mine.
“Fuck ’em,” I confirmed.
“Fuck them,” he said firmly and with a nod. “Fuck them.” He shifted his gaze so he was looking out at the ocean. “Fuck you!” he suddenly screamed. When he shouted it again, I stood behind him and wrapped my arms around his upper chest and dropped my head so it was resting on top of his. His fingers dug into my arm as he yelled the swear word over and over again. He was hoarse when he finally stopped, then he slumped against me.
“Better?” I asked as I pressed a kiss against his temple.
He nodded. “I hate that word, by the way.”
“My mother did too,” I said. “She used to say things like fudgesicles or fiddlesticks when she was upset… she had a whole catalog of non-swear swear words.”
I could see enough of Aleks’s face to see him smile. “I think I would have liked your mother a lot.”
I felt a pang of sadness that he’d never get to meet her. “She would have loved you,” I said.
“Will you tell me more about her someday?”
I wanted to ask him if we had a someday, but then remembered I already knew the answer to that. I was saved from having to answer him when motion to my right caught my attention. Aleks and I both watched as Con walked along the small walkway that led to the back patio that bordered the room we were in. He reached down and pulled something out of the bushes.
