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He was trusting me to take care of him.
I could do that.
I would do that.
No matter what.
Even if I hated what I was about to do, which my gut was telling me I probably wouldn’t, I’d still make sure Vaughn felt only pleasure.
My lust had eased a little bit in the minute it had taken for Vaughn to get the lube and open it. I knew what the slick liquid was for because one of the men I’d been with had used it most of the time.
I’d actually considered myself lucky after the fact because Brian, then later Father, had only used spit. That was something I never would have been okay with doing to Vaughn, even if he’d asked.
I shifted off Vaughn enough so he could turn over, but to my surprise, he didn’t move.
“Put out your fingers,” he said.
Maybe he wanted me to prep him from the front, then he’d turn over?
I held out my fingers.
They were shaking.
Despite some of the confidence that I was feeling that I could still do this, I was scared. My mind still couldn’t make sense of the fact that some men liked this part.
The liquid felt cold on my fingers, so I began rubbing them together to try and warm it up. Vaughn tossed the lube on the bed next to him, then settled one muscled arm beneath his head and watched me through hooded eyes. His legs were on either side of me and his penis was lying against his groin like a stiff piece of pipe. There was clear fluid collecting on his skin. To my amazement, my mouth actually filled with saliva at the sight.
What the heck was that about?
I didn’t like the taste of a man’s release or the stuff that came before it… the guys I’d been with had had all sorts of names for it but they’d all been vile, dirty terms I’d never repeat.
“I never really liked the taste, either,” Vaughn suddenly said and I looked up at him in surprise. “Till yours,” he added.
“What?” I asked stupidly. “But you’ve never…”
“I’ve been covered in your juices nearly every night, Aleks.”
I froze.
He’d tasted it.
Vaughn chuckled and sat up, putting an arm around my waist as he did so. “The before and the after,” he said softly. He looked down at his own stomach and then quickly swiped a finger through the liquid clinging to his skin. “I’m betting yours and mine together is the sweetest,” he murmured.
I had no clue what possessed me to do it, but before he could lick the juices off his finger, I leaned down and closed my mouth around his digit.
He sucked in a breath as I slowly drew my lips up, collecting the fluid as I did so. It had a weird, earthy taste that was also a little sweet. I let my eyes meet his. “You’re right,” I declared quietly. “Definitely the sweetest.”
Vaughn let out a groan and then he kissed me hard and fast. His tongue stole what little of the taste lingered in my mouth.
It turned me on like nobody’s business.
“Get me ready, Aleks,” Vaughn said as his hand closed around the back of my neck and he pressed his forehead to mine. “It’s not going to take much at this point,” he admitted.
He lay back down and then he was shifting his position so more of his backside was exposed. I let out an audible gasp when he lifted his legs up and back just a little and used his own hands to open his body for me.
I was on sensory overload as I stared at his opening.
It was so small.
There was no way I was going to be able to do this and not hurt him. But I also couldn’t deny the fact that my penis had gotten even harder.
Oh God, what did that make me? Was I like Father and the rest of them now? Were my body’s needs more important than the person in front of me? Would I end up hurting Vaughn and not knowing… or caring? What if he told me to stop and I couldn’t? What if I became a monster like them…
“Aleks,” Vaughn called, but it was hard to hear him because I was so caught up in my body and my mind warring with one another. Then Vaughn’s hand was on my face. “Aleks, baby, look at me,” he implored.
I did.
“What those men did to you wasn’t about them going crazy with lust or not being able to control themselves around you or any one of the kids they hurt. Everybody, man or woman, has enough control over themselves to be able to keep from hurting someone else. And anyone who tries to say any different is a fucking coward who is afraid to admit they chose their own satisfaction over another person’s pain. You are not like any of those men and you couldn’t be, even if you tried.”
